Enough already about your peen, Jason Derulo. You’re like the bad sex app torso wielding blowhard that is all talk and never shares pics. “Yeah, it’s big. You’re gonna love it. It’s so big.” Zzzzzz… We’re about to put you in the same category with the spam accounts that ask, “Have you ever dated a military guy?” Snooze, fuck off, report, block, and there goes my desire to use any of those apps for days. And we’re losing interest in you, Jason.
Mr Derulo, if you have the goods, just show us. Shit or get off the pot. Leak the pic already or leave. Fluff it to all of its girth and worth and we’ll look at it, but all this whining and glorifying is just like a broken record, a true cock tease.
On Monday, the 30-year old singer continued his bitch & boast fest about not being able to show his peen in all its flaccid fortitude when he brought his dick-shaped soap box to the Andy Cohen’s SiriusXM show. Here’s the 70-second eye roll of a sound bite.
Looking back on the post, Derulo told Entertainment Tonight on Thursday that he “didn’t think it was gonna cause, like, this much thirst.” Did anyone else NOT get thirsty about this? Did anyone else just say, “Meh?” We all know how to find good dick pics on the internet. Heck, we at Instinct share links to them all the time. Maybe that’s why we’ve been nominated for a Fleshbot Award multiple years in a row.
So let’s look back. If you missed the supposed soft sleeping anaconda Instagram pic with Derulo looking all Blue Steel-like while posing in his undies in Bali, here it is.
People were saying it may have been airbrushed or it’s just how the fold of the shorts were and of course others started the eggplant emoji-fest.
We think he hinted on pulling it all out for everyone to see for after he was asked, was the pic photoshopped, his response was:
“Photoshop?! Photoshop? Don’t make me … ” Derulo laughed and pretended to look around. “There’s not enough women in this area.”
He also cited his ethnic heritage when he praised, “Just know that us Haitians, we look different.”
Derulo, saddened that the flaccid and dressed to the left pic was removed by Instagram …
… decided to fire back with a Subway foot-long draped over his visible penis line (VPL). Or maybe (just to piss him off) do we think it is one of those new Jimmy John’s $3 Little John sandwiches?
The original VPL/bulge pic Instagram posting is about a month old now (originally posted on November 21st), but we’re still hearing Derulo talk about his anaconda. At this point … WE DON’T CARE ANYMORE!
We’d love to say this penis-gate has helped Derulo’s career, but even after the outline of his baby maker exploded onto the scene, AOL’s Emily Rella couldn’t correctly spell his last name in her Jason DeRulo denies photoshopping that steamy Instagram post: ‘Us Haitians, we look different’ post.
So, Mr Derulo, when are we going to stop playing the cocky game of “I’ve got a big cock but you haven’t seen it in all its glory, yet” and bust those pants open? Or are you going to keep milking it for all it’s worth?
While we are waiting for you to stop whining/bragging that they had to photoshop your bulge out of Cats, we’ll head over to our post Milan Christopher Shows Off His Impressive ‘Beefcake’ and enjoy the view at PaperMag.com’s Love & Hip Hop’s Milan Christopher Takes a Ride on the NSFW Side.
Maybe PaperMag.com or even Milan Christopher personally can help you be even more comfortable with what you got to help you release your Kraken for all to see. Just do something different than talking about it over and over and Zzzzzz…..
This is the opinion of one of the writers for Instinct Magazine and may not reflect the opinions of other writers or the magazine.