When Your Man Takes Care Of Himself Too Much

Man with his laptop

A recent internet discussion among gay men centered on why some guys feel hurt or even unattractive when they find out their boyfriend likes to masturbate on their own.


As one man wrote, “Why is my boyfriend jerking off when I’m home and available to have sex? And is it wrong that it bothers me?”

A quick search of the internet shows this seems to be an issue that comes up among gay relationships pretty often with folks asking for advice on how to handle the situation.

Many responses shared a similar thread: it may not be about you. Maybe the boyfriend enjoys the solo time and likes relieving stress without the pressure of pleasing someone else. 

Or what if the boyfriend is a little insecure about his ability to please you?


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Some men said they were just used to the routine or simplicity of rubbing one out in the morning (or nighttime). Maybe it could be the “lack of prep” not needed for masturbation versus heading to ‘Pound Town.’

One relationship counselor in a discussion on Quora noted that “masturbating and having sex with someone are two different activities,” and that it’s “common and normal for people who are perfectly happy with their sex-lives to masturbate.”

The element of porn could also be a factor. Perhaps the boyfriend enjoys watching porn but feels a bit ashamed to view it together?


Man watching porn on laptop

Others noted that because you enter into a relationship that doesn’t mean you become one when it comes to sex drives. Maybe he wants more sex than is currently happening. Or, the opposite could be the case – that the boyfriend might have limited interest in sex but is still in love with you.

One thing pretty much every discussion we could find on the subject agreed on is that communication is key. If you talk things out, even if you don’t find common ground, you discover if this might be a sign it’s time hit the exit.


What do you think, readers? Is solo sex time a no-no when you’re in a relationship?  Or is it a simple de-stressing technique that’s totally ok? Or something in between?

Let us know in the comment section.

(stock images via Depositphotos)

3 thoughts on “When Your Man Takes Care Of Himself Too Much”

  1. I was in a relationship for 15 years, but my ex kept criticizing everything from the way I kissed to the way I sucked dick. No one else has ever criticized those things and I’ve had nice compliments about how I give pleasure. Because of the criticism, I gave up having sex with him, so I jerked off frequently! Still do!

  2. When the sex gets boring, porn becomes a lot more fun and when that gets boring time for some anonymous hook up’s and when that gets borning time to dump the boyfriend and start over again. It’s like the Lion King, it’s the circle of like! 😆

  3. We matubated ‘a lot,’ both alone and together, sex was great for a while-But it was a bit ‘-flash in the pan’so we decided to cool It and see where our relationship would take us next!!


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