We go to the gym to get thinner or put on muscle. We go to the barber to change our hairstyle, or we'll grow a beard. We'll go to college to better ourselves and hopefully our economic standing. Is this all to better our personal health and well being or is it to change ourselves in order to attract another man for sex or a relationship?
Those personal changes mentioned above are doable if we want them to occur. It all depends on our internal drive. But for some of us, that is just it. We need to have that internal drive, but we also must accept who we are at the core first. Accepting that we are gay is the probably the biggest step. Nelson struggled to accept himself as a gay man and when he finally did, he thought his biggest battle was over.
So after the fight to accept yourself inside and out, what's next? Shouldn't that be enough? Bring on the men! Well for Nelson, once he was ready to live with himself being gay, he was thrown another challenge. Before reading on, please watch this UPWORTHY video to see his story.
SURPRISE! He's black! Immediately many of you are turned off. Hooking up or dating him is definitely not an option. He seems smart, has a great smile, well spoken, but his skin color is such a turn off. How could you be seen with him in public?
How many have told someone to their face that you are not into them because they are Black, Asian, White, Latino, etc? Is it okay to tell someone that to their face? I mean, it should be since you are telling the truth, right?
During one of my visits to Faultline Bar, a gay bar in Silver Lake, Los Angeles, I was being hit on by a chubbier latino man. He seemed nice and I thanked him for his interest, but since I wasn't looking for a relationship in a bar 3,000 miles away from home, I told him I was not interested. He asked why and I elaborated that I am not physically attracted to bigger beefy guys like myself and him. He went off visually and vocally a little upset, but I had told him the truth. I rejected him because of his stature and not his ethnicity. It's different than if I said I didn't like latinos, right?
Besides "do you have a cock pic" or "how hung," the biggest category of questions I get asked online is "are u into (insert an ethnicity)?" My mindset is if I'm attracted to you, I'm attracted to you and ethnicity is not an issue.
One of my former roommates was into this very eligible bachelor (E.B.) from Atlanta. He seemed nice and they visited each other even though they lived 1,000 miles apart. Were things getting serious? Nope and they wouldn't. During one of their conversations and rendez-vous, the question came up of if it became serious, would they live in New England or Atlanta. Mr E.B. stated in so many words or less, "if we were dating, we can't live in Atlanta. You're white and I'm black and that just doesn't work in Atlanta." My roommate was led to believe that it was not acceptable for gay black men to date white boys in Georgia's biggest city. Wait, is this the basis for the next Tyler Perry movie? Was Mr E.B., an openly gay black man now forced to be on the DL because he chose to date outside of his ethnicity?
I've jumped around a little bit in this blog, but that's how my mind works. I guess what I am thinking is and my questions for you are …
Have you had an experience like Nelson where an acquaintance has told you that he wouldn't date you because of your skin color?
Have you told someone to his face that you would not date him because of his skin color and what was his reaction?
Or is it just easier to put your skin color do's and don'ts in your profile's preference section and ignore them if they don't meet those preferences?
Do you weigh the consequences of dating someone of a different skin color and what friends, family, or society may think of the relationship?
Is skin color preference the same as no fats and no fems?
Or does all of this vary depending on if you are looking for a hook-up or a boyfriend? Do you have sex with a man of one race, but would never date him because of his skin color?
Anyone else in Atlanta concur with Mr E.B.?
What was the reaction to Michael Sam's engagement to a white male?
For another response to this issue, have a look at this video from February 2014 from MaleMediaMind.com.
for once, i would like to see
for once, i would like to see an article or documentary about white guys saying black and Asian guys won't date them. Tired of some black men and most Asian men complaining about how the almighty white man isn't into them. Yawn.
Hello, I’m a black man who
Hello, I'm a black man who exclusively dates white men and i never had that problem, however I have been told that because I'm black that they are not into me, but also on the same hand I don.t date black men. The reason for this is because every black man that i have dated has either cheated on me or lied to me in some way or the other, that's not to say i wound not date another black man, but I do go into these relationships with my guard up. I had a Black man that I once dated when I told him I was HIV+ he continued to have unprotected sex with me, all the while he knew he was HIV+, and when I asked him why? He told me that he wanted to make sure that if I wasn't HIV+, then I would be. Then I had a black man that I have dated for at least a year, and unbeknownst to me he was dating his then husband and broke up with me the day before their commitment ceremony, and foolish me I still wanted to go to this ceremony. The man who gave me HIV was a black man who was on the downlow, and was dating a hairdresser from the small town that I was from and I knew her, I found out after the fact, and I couldn't even face her, and we lived in the same apartment complex. Now with some of the white men that I have dated they also have lied to me, or cheated on me as well, I had a white guy who was hiding his status from me and I was also hiding my status from him, and he found out simply by looking thru my medicines. So what I'm trying to say is that it really doesn't matter who you date its the content of their character
Well, what can I tell. I am
Well, what can I tell. I am from Germany and living in Mexico like 18 years now. And I am happy. Also I can tell only I am white but my boyfriend are black. He is from Colombia and which him I have my best partner ever that I can have. It isn’t about black white green yellow ore other colors. It’s the person on him selves what he loves and want. When everityng would getting great she will get married at the next one to two years. We are getting better and better every day, we learn each other every day. And the best, the people on the street watching as because it’s look great to different colors a being together. Creep calm every body… Love each other, end be honest with your partner.
There is a huge difference
There is a huge difference between preference and requirement. You really need to ask yourself why you have these “requirements” when it comes to the human race anyway. Personally if someone has a racial requirements when it comes to who someone sticks their privates in is their business but too often I’ve seen people in the GLBT community that won’t even befriend someone or excludes someone based upon their race. That is racist! My opinion is the guilty ones seem to scream that it isn’t racism the loudest.
My requirements are simple:Â
My requirements are simple: a man who is clean, caring, compassionate, reasonably intelligent, employed, and capable of love. Skin color, eye color, hair color . . . don't even matter.
Sometimes the arguments are
Sometimes the arguments are irritating and comical when it comes to the interracial dating issue. A person's type doesn't mean their racist! Most people have a preference for who they are attracted to based on size, shape, weight, socioeconomically, religion, region, mannerisms, etc. Too much critique can go into over analyzing what someone sees in others. Before my partner (of 13 years) I was always attracted to those that were not my race which started out based on a visible difference. As I got to know them it would be determined if there would be something more intimate or just friends or I didn't want anything further to do with them. Sadly one of the biggest frustrations is the outside critique by other races that want to make something out of nothing. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen but if people want to see something… that's all they'll see, that doesn't mean that's the intent.
Anyone who fucks a nigger
Anyone who fucks a nigger deserves to suffer ffrom AIDS.
Wow, I’m only responding
Wow, I'm only responding because this comment has to be one of the most disturbing and ignorant comments a person could make. I could go on with more about your obnoxious statement but I'm not sure you'd even comprehend nor that it would make a difference. What's even worse is the name you've even associated with your name.
There is a reason why blacks
There is a reason why blacks chase after whites. It is because they cant stand the sight nor odor of their own kind.
Blacks smell like the animals that they are and look like them too.
What the fuck is wrong with u
What the fuck is wrong with u? Black guys can be fucking hot and a hell of a lot bigger in muscle and the dick! Just FYI to aboriginals whites smell like burnt chicken feathers
I’m from the south. Lived in
I'm from the south. Lived in Atlanta for 10 years and I know plenty of interracial relationships. We put SO many limitations out there. Black or white; top or bottom; certain age; only gym guys; positive only or negative only; etc etc etc. Being single isn't from a lack of choices but a lack of love.
One of the biggest mistakes
One of the biggest mistakes gay men make about preferences and/or attraction is that both are socially constructed. Whereas orientation maybe natural, there is is NOTHING biological about the TYPE of men you are attracted too.
Like all fetishisms, Freud will tell you that your childhood experiences and environment shape your tastes.
You NEVER need defend your choices; however, excluding a man from your dating or hookup pools solely based on his race IS racist. And everyone needs to stop defending one's racism and stop hiding behind the false guise of preference.
In short, NO you don't need date/sleep with everyone yet YES you do have to acknowledge that not dating/sleeping with someone based on race is racist.
It most certainly is NOT
It most certainly is NOT racist.
You will see most people are with their own race as it's biologically hard-wired into us.
And people will be attracted to who they are attracted to – and it's solely their own race… cool… so be it.
To say you are not attracted
To say you are not attracted to a guy because of his overall look is one thing, That isn't racist. But to say that you would not go out with any black men, white men, Latin men or Asian men because you are not attracted to them IS racist. Why? It is very simple, The entire group of men in an ethnic group do not look exactly alike not do they act or carry themselves exactly alike. And to think they do is just ludicrous as well as racist. That is not preference. Preference is liking hairy men. Preference is liking dark hair. I prefer those things, but they are not deal breakers.
Andrew I disagree based on
Andrew I disagree based on your own point. It's a preference. Racism is fueled by hate, not dating based on race, socioeconomics, body type, handicap, etc. would be at most superficial. People tend to see what they want to see, that doesn't make it fact.
I agree with you. and though
I agree with you. and though some people may see racism as harshly saying it, it is a form of prejudice. we all have a prejudice in one way or another. it's when you accept that you do and decide to grow from it instead of ignorantly ignoring it do you go "Oh, you know i could change that." and in the gay community there is a strong just of that especially through the media. they same could be said for the young swimsuit bodied jock that is always publicized every where in our community. our community is no different then the problems in American social society right now… you did not pop out the womb with the thought you didn't like a certain race.
He’s very sexy and well
He's very sexy and well educated also, two nice qualities to start with. I have dated most races and don't see one as any better or less than the next. Atlanta is a melting pot with hot guys of all races 🙂
I don’t care much about race
I don’t care much about race/age/economic status, I’m not picky when it comes to love. I’m average looking/body/height but its a total turn off when anyone comes up to me and says ‘you’re so hot, I’m really into latinos/hispanics’ or ‘I only date latin men’ that pisses me off, so you mean I only qualify cuz you into hispanic guys? I’m a human being not to be used for your pleasure, you don’t even know me like that, I could totally rob your dumb ass
I’m Asian and I’ll love to
I'm Asian and I'll love to date him in a heartbeat.
Im latin n I find him hot…
Im latin n I find him hot… date me!
I think everyone is mostly
I think everyone is mostly focusing on the sexual attraction facet of this article, but I believe the author was attempting to shed more light on not necessarily attraction but on the reaction that a lot of gay guys have to others in relation to race or skin color. I've met a lot of guys who have no problem sleeping with other races, but dating them is incomprehensible to them. Being a black male I have had to deal with that before. Also a lot of the guys who seem to have a preference for races outside of their own seem to want some kind of stereotype, I've been asked if I was a thug as well as many other racially charged assumptions. Each and every time I've ha to inform the men nicely that I was raised in the suburbs, I've never been to a hood or a ghetto. That the closest I've been to a fight was taking karate classes as a child. That guns make me uncomfortable and that I'd prefer archery. That I have absolutely no idea what any of their drug lingo is about and that I actually love reading, and that my musical preferences range from alternative rock to jamming out to Frank Sinatra for a few hours instead of rap and r&b.
A lot of people on this comment thread don't realize that some of those "preferences" are actually driven by stereotypes and assumptions rather than actual natural attraction.
He’s gorgeous, gorgeous smile
He's gorgeous, gorgeous smile, gorgeous face, swoon
I’ve dated both and I am
I've dated both and I am mainly attracted to white hairy guys…..I can't help it, it is just how I am made up. I wouldn't feel I am discriminating because of skin color, just isn't what I am totally attracted to. It would be the same as a female being upset because I am not attracted to her
Exactly.
Exactly.
People have their physical and biological preferences – it's the way nature made us.
No one has to date outside their own race if they don't want to – to imply otherwise is insanity.
If it happens – cool!
If it does not happen – cool!
The people throwing the 'prejudice' and 'racist' words should be ashamed as they clearly don't know what real racism is.
Would you go on a blind date
Would you go on a blind date with someone who was black? If you say yes, good. You are not racist.
If you said no, then you are racist. It is racist because you would be assuming that ALL black men have traits that you don't like and would not see any benefit to going on a date with that person. You are PRE-judging them based entirely on the negative assumptions your mind associated with black skin.
you are not born prejudice.
you are not born prejudice. let that sink in…
I’d date him. I’m really only
I'd date him. I'm really only into black and latin guys.
He’s cute, I’d date him.
He's cute, I'd date him. Obviously not every guy will find him attractive, though. So what's the big deal?
I’m black and i was born and
I'm black and i was born and raised in Phoenix,AZ.. when i came to the realization that i was gay, it was because i was attracted to the guys or boys that were around me at that age.. growing up being the only black kid in the class that didn't bother me, nor did it both my friends… as i got older and started to date, yes at first i was just pretty much attracted to white guys, cause coming form when i was raised that was the majority around me.. but now that i live just outside Chicago, i have dated pretty much every race or nationality…. to tell you that the color of the skin doesn't play a part (for me), would be a lie… but at the same time i like beauty… and that can be found in all skin colors… now that I'm in my 30's, i feel like its more about the personality, and the way i feel when im with my guy, its not so much about his race, or national origin… i wont lie, he is white, and i do love the look of his smooth milky white skin, but i love his sense of humor…
I have dated different races
I have dated different races and I would do it again no matter what anyone of my friends or family members or anyone else thought
Attractions are what they are
Attractions are what they are. We don't choose them, just like we don't choose our orientation. If you are not sexually or romantically attracted to this race or that race, it doesn't make you a racist hater. Acknowledging and accepting our natural attractions, and working within them, will help lead you to the right person for you. I'm not Dating someone and leading them on, to be politically correct, when I know I'll never have romantic feelings for them. That's not fair to them or you
Okay, I have dated across the
Okay, I have dated across the color spectrum and do not understand what the issue is. If you love someone, you love them in spite of your differences. Seriously don't we have enough of the world discriminating against our people. Do you even care that Isis is throwing gay people off buildings. In other countries gays are being hang. Why do we not speak of how we can save our gay people.
I’d date him in a heartbeat.
I'd date him in a heartbeat. I find black guys way hotter anyway.
be with a black man. I was
be with a black man. I was raised in a VERY racist community, and was more scared of people finding out that I had thatn the actual act itself. I feel ashamed to even admit that to anyone, as I have always had black friends. That soon changed, and I will be with anyone I choose, regardless of skin color.
Personally speaking, for me
Personally speaking, for me and dating guys my requirements are based 50% on looks and 50% personality.
I need to be physically attracted to somebody as well as be able to enjoy a conversation with him.
And for me on a very personal level I know what I am attracted to, I know what I like so it’s not a matter of rejecting because of skin colour, it’s rejecting because I’m not physically attracted to that person.
I am white and I don’t like black or middle eastern or Indian type of guys, that’s just what my body tells me im not interested in.
I am however physical attracted to other white guys, east Asian guys and to break that down further I prefer guys to just be a normal build, not Skinny, not too large and definitely not a lot of muscle.
I know I am picky but that’s not through social, discrimination or other outside factors, it’s all to do with my physical attraction which I have no control over.
But hey I’m a weird guy, I’m also a Gay guy that has never had a one night stand and never cheated, Ive been in a relationship for 10 years, since I was 16 in fact. So I probably have very little credibility here lol
Damn you’re taken already..
Damn you’re taken already…Otherwise you may be the type of a guy that my body says I’m attracted to.
I’ve never chosen, or not
I’ve never chosen, or not chosen, to date someone because of their race or ethnicity and I don’t understand using race and ethnicity as a determining factor. If you are smart, funny, and happy, with a nice smile I won’t say no to learning more about you.
Personally I go of the
Personally I go of the following looks , personality and my very own tick boxes which don't include race religion or even a disability as I've dated guys in the past with 1 or more of these and it was purely based on looks sexual attraction and my very own tick box people shod just love who they love regardless of all stigmas job done
I think he’s cute. I don’t
I think he's cute. I don't care that he is black. I've dated black guys before. But I couldn't say that I would be attracted to him simply based off a picture. That's merely one component of attraction. I would have to hear him speak. Know how he thinks. See how he acts. See how he treats others…himself…as well as me….before I would know if he was anything more than attractive. These days…you cannot meet people online and expect it to truly be something meaningful. Most people don't even want to meet as plutonic friends…without seeing a picture and knowing your stats. I think that's kind of crazy. That's why I don't meet people online. I have enough misfortune of meeting the same kind on my own.
People really make up the
People really make up the most ridiculous nonsense to justify their way to comfort.
sexual attraction is not made
sexual attraction is not made up
I’m a white, Caucasian and
I'm a white, Caucasian and have dated Latino and Jewish guys but never had the occasion to be with other ethnicities. I must say, it warms my heart when I see mixed race couples. Come on people, we're all humans and should love one another. I see a good amount of it but I wish there weren't as many hang ups about it. Sometimes opposites attract and I see it as something heartwarming.
Basically, I agree with most
Basically, I agree with most on here who say, "we like what we like. It's best to own that and move forward." However, if we take the time to know a person first, rather than anticipating a roll in the sheets for a night (or more), perhaps we'd have a glimpse of the person's soul; a look at their true self. I believe that the attraction to a person and who they are can transcend racial, religious, physical ideas and show us the beauty that is there in front of you. There is no better turn on, at least for me. I know because I've been there and am blissfully happy!
I’m what Americans call
I’m what Americans call Latino (even though practically no-one outside the U.S. uses this term, most are not really sure what it means and many–like me–believe it’s just another way to discriminate without feeling guilty) and I’m really into black men. I had a black boyfriend once and, although I can’t deny we had a few problems, it was TOTALLY worth it. In fact, I’ve always refused to pay attention to racists, bigots, homophobes and the like. These poor little creatures just deserve to be despised.
I’m not sexually attracted to
I'm not sexually attracted to him. Do you guys think I can just choose to be attracted to anyone? Yeah, no. I can't do that.
No. Â It’s not that simple,
No. It's not that simple, and i believe most people posting have acknowle​dged that. what you like is what you like.
Someone with racial
Someone with racial preferences is no more biased or prejudiced than someone GAY is SEXIST. You can’t help who or what you are attracted to. If I am a bigot for not being attracted to black men, am I also a sexist for not being attracted to women? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Bad behaviors – that’s a while other thing. No one has the right to be rude or hurtful.
I don’t really understand a
I don't really understand a stated racial bias. I have met white guys I'm not into and black guys I am into. I tend not to go for Asian guys, but I've met several who are exceptions to the rule. By the same token, if you have a hot body, I'm more likely to be into you, but I recently met a super sexy bear whose confidence, swagger and friendliness made me want to do all kinds of things to him (didn't work out because of where/when we met, but that was no reflection on him).
I think it's a mistake for anyone to make up their mind beforehand that they have a 'type." Yes, I tend to be attracted to fit white guys around my age who are a little shorter than I am. But I wouldn't say that's my type because I've had just as many dates and encounters with guys who didn't fit that mold at all.
I like the way you think!
I like the way you think!
I would date him, he is
I would date him, he is really cute… and Im Mexican.
I do not see this as being a
I do not see this as being a "not into black" issue. A person of colour (I say this being south asian) faces these discriminatory tones. I usually get the "not into curry" and the likes. It was hard at first but now I am used to it. Though for the most part, being single is the better solution for me at this point.
I would date him. I’m white
I would date him. I'm white male into black male. I always find myself attracted to black not white. It's something that I clicked long time ago.
The mental gymnastics in this
The mental gymnastics in this piece are amazing! "I can have a preference not to date someone who might have medical conditions that keep them from being a gym rat, but you can't have a preference that precludes a specific skin color/ethnicity!"
Hypocrisy is hypocrisy.
Besides the fact that I live
Besides the fact that I live this article to some extent, I refuse to read it.
For this article is a real slap in the face due to the FACT that magazines like Instinct Magazine, Out, and The Advocate have enabled the dismissal of Blacks. For these magazines have for the longest portrayed Blacks as non-contributors to the gay community, and unequal in sexual attractiveness compared to Whites and light Latinos.
So Instinct, don't play as if you've come to an understanding now. I've been telling you of this problem, and calling you out on your part in it for the longest time. Make an article about you owning those many missteps, and you will deserve some respect.
http://www.tresx-rayvision.com/2014/07/gay-mediareligious-right-wingno-fkin.html
ABMD
ABMD
What is ABMD?
What is ABMD?
Amen! Mr. LeNair! Someone not
Amen! Mr. LeNair! Someone not afraid to actually say/write it, Out Loud! It is an issue that is in need to be approached and 'owned up to' by this media which claims to represent us 'all' no matter race, ect……. Thank you, L. X.!
It’s called preference honey.
It’s called preference honey. You can’t force attraction if there isn’t any. And skin color is one of the factors that determine physical attraction. Simple as that. This is a non issue. Zip it already about this!!!
tThere is a lot to cover here
tThere is a lot to cover here. First of all there’s the tone of victimhood about poor black people they get so rejected then you go to the part where the guy from Atlanta says the black people wouldn’t accept a white boyfriend.
Race is a complicated subject and cannot be separated from culture.
I prefer to date people I can relate closely to which often means they need to be from similar culture to me no matter what their racial background. That does not mean I think I am the better or worse person than them.
iIn the case of the writer and the Latino you could have left out the word stocky. mMany of times I have said sorry you remind me too much of me.
And please.. not usually wanting to sleep with blacks are Filipinos are whoever does not mean you’re racist it just means they don’t turn you on
pardon any spelling mistakes the latest Android 5.0 update has messed up voice to text
No matter how hard you try to
No matter how hard you try to make this into a racist issue, it's not. Some people are not sexually attracted to certain groups of people.
You’re absolutely right! Don
You’re absolutely right! Don’t tell me that what makes my cock hard is socially cultivated! And just because men of one ethnicity or another don’t turn me on, that doesn’t make me racist! That’s like saying that because women don’t do it for me that makes me sexist. Why is the race card always played? This is about what does or doesn’t make u horny, plain & simple!
I’d date him, I think he’s
I'd date him, I think he's hot.