We go to the gym to get thinner or put on muscle. We go to the barber to change our hairstyle, or we'll grow a beard. We'll go to college to better ourselves and hopefully our economic standing. Is this all to better our personal health and well being or is it to change ourselves in order to attract another man for sex or a relationship?
Those personal changes mentioned above are doable if we want them to occur. It all depends on our internal drive. But for some of us, that is just it. We need to have that internal drive, but we also must accept who we are at the core first. Accepting that we are gay is the probably the biggest step. Nelson struggled to accept himself as a gay man and when he finally did, he thought his biggest battle was over.
So after the fight to accept yourself inside and out, what's next? Shouldn't that be enough? Bring on the men! Well for Nelson, once he was ready to live with himself being gay, he was thrown another challenge. Before reading on, please watch this UPWORTHY video to see his story.
SURPRISE! He's black! Immediately many of you are turned off. Hooking up or dating him is definitely not an option. He seems smart, has a great smile, well spoken, but his skin color is such a turn off. How could you be seen with him in public?
How many have told someone to their face that you are not into them because they are Black, Asian, White, Latino, etc? Is it okay to tell someone that to their face? I mean, it should be since you are telling the truth, right?
During one of my visits to Faultline Bar, a gay bar in Silver Lake, Los Angeles, I was being hit on by a chubbier latino man. He seemed nice and I thanked him for his interest, but since I wasn't looking for a relationship in a bar 3,000 miles away from home, I told him I was not interested. He asked why and I elaborated that I am not physically attracted to bigger beefy guys like myself and him. He went off visually and vocally a little upset, but I had told him the truth. I rejected him because of his stature and not his ethnicity. It's different than if I said I didn't like latinos, right?
Besides "do you have a cock pic" or "how hung," the biggest category of questions I get asked online is "are u into (insert an ethnicity)?" My mindset is if I'm attracted to you, I'm attracted to you and ethnicity is not an issue.
One of my former roommates was into this very eligible bachelor (E.B.) from Atlanta. He seemed nice and they visited each other even though they lived 1,000 miles apart. Were things getting serious? Nope and they wouldn't. During one of their conversations and rendez-vous, the question came up of if it became serious, would they live in New England or Atlanta. Mr E.B. stated in so many words or less, "if we were dating, we can't live in Atlanta. You're white and I'm black and that just doesn't work in Atlanta." My roommate was led to believe that it was not acceptable for gay black men to date white boys in Georgia's biggest city. Wait, is this the basis for the next Tyler Perry movie? Was Mr E.B., an openly gay black man now forced to be on the DL because he chose to date outside of his ethnicity?
I've jumped around a little bit in this blog, but that's how my mind works. I guess what I am thinking is and my questions for you are …
Have you told someone to his face that you would not date him because of his skin color and what was his reaction?
Or is it just easier to put your skin color do's and don'ts in your profile's preference section and ignore them if they don't meet those preferences?
Do you weigh the consequences of dating someone of a different skin color and what friends, family, or society may think of the relationship?
Is skin color preference the same as no fats and no fems?
Or does all of this vary depending on if you are looking for a hook-up or a boyfriend? Do you have sex with a man of one race, but would never date him because of his skin color?
Anyone else in Atlanta concur with Mr E.B.?
What was the reaction to Michael Sam's engagement to a white male?
For another response to this issue, have a look at this video from February 2014 from MaleMediaMind.com.