Peanut butter and jelly. Brandy and Monica. Me and that trick with no gag reflex. So many irresistible combinations that work perfectly well together. Comedy duo Dick and Duane are another perfect example of that.
Their unique brand of being hilarious while smoking hot has worked for them for years. I first caught wind of these hunks many years ago during my days as a young, innocent cub before the New York City Eagle turned me from good girl Sandy to slutty leather Sandy. It was then that I realized just how funny and adorable these guys were.
Years later and they’ve still got that magic. They’re also a testament to going through the ups and downs one experiences in a relationship as the two have been together for over 30 years now. Very impressive.
Dick and Duane are the latest duo featured in Instinct Magazine’s ongoing couple series. Check out our hysterical interview with them below.
How did you two initially meet and was it love at first sight?
Duane: Yes, it was love at first sight, but considering my age at the time, it was probably lust.
Richie: Right, Duane was horny. For me, it was love. I was an innocent 18-year-old right out of high school. It was my first and his second year at Rutgers College in Professor Stubblebine’s Intro to Art History course. We silently checked each other out for two months across a crowded lecture hall. Neither of us were sure if the other was gay. There were no apps to check! Being the older man of nineteen, Duane boldly moved his seat a little closer each week. I was ready to get married by the time we were sitting next to each other. The first words out of my mouth were, “I love you.” I’d had two months to think about it.
When did you both decide to start the comedy meets sexy machine that is Dick and Duane?
Richie: We were constantly cracking each other up from the start. As teenagers in our first apartment, we would stay up all night giggling, creating sketches and doing impressions just to amuse ourselves. Then, in 1987 — we had graduated and were living in the East Village — someone we knew was looking for an opening act for the Chippendale’s dancers at Magique. I suggested this great comedy team, Dick and Duane. We always thought that was a funny take on Dick and Jane that we’d use someday. We’d never performed professionally but we jumped at the chance and put together a funny retro 1960s lounge act with song parodies and Carol Burnett Show-style choreography. The audience was confused, but sharing the dressing room with the strippers was the best part.
What is your favorite thing to love about each other?
Duane: Dark chocolate. Each other loves it!
Richie: I love the fact that Duane just pronounced it “dark charklit.”
Are you monogamous or in an open relationship? How do you make either work?
Duane: We’ve been in both; we’re in neither right now. Both have worked for us because basically, sex is a joke. I mean, come on, it’s funny. If you place too much importance on it… fuggetaboutit.
Richie: We were virgins when we met. We stayed monogamous for 15 years and then we decided to open things up a bit to see what it was like. We had a lot of fun and we even tried a triad. We’re still close friends with him, but we’re happiest now that it’s just the two of us and a beautiful cat.
You both are known for being hilarious in your own unique way. What does the other do that makes you laugh the most?
Duane: When he gets mad at me. But don’t tell him. Oops, too late.
Richie: Yeah, I’m right here in the room. Duane makes me laugh just by existing, and that is the absolute truth.
What has COVID been like for the two of you? Has it brought you closer together?
Duane: It’s been hell! It hasn’t brought us closer because I don’t think we could get any closer. Right now he’s about 3 feet away. In bed, we’re right on top of each other. With Dawn (the cat) between our legs.
Richie: I got to experience anxiety for the first time in my life and that was fun. You know, they say that if you don’t keep experiencing new things, you’ll grow old. I don’t know who they are, but I think they’re idiots. At first, it was kind of fun because we enjoy each other’s company so much and we found all of the 70’s version of Match Game on YouTube. But we also used the time to make somewhat of a career change, or an addition. We took a Zoom class at NYU to get our real estate salesperson licenses. So, if you’re looking to buy or sell in New York City or know anyone else who wants to, let us know. Sorry, they trained us to do that!
We also started doing TikToks as Jackie Kennedy and the Flying Nun, using vintage Halloween masks. It’s kind of a commentary on the inauthenticity of social media, but it’s also just us being silly. And staying at home has definitely brought us closer together with Dawn who’s also doing TikToks. She was more independent before, but now she’s so cuddly. We are in the cat lady phase of life.
Has the topic of adopting or having kids via surrogate ever come up?
Richie: We are both giving you a huge DZS right now. In case you don’t know, that’s a Dorothy Zbornak Stare, a phrase we coined and it’s even in the Urban Dictionary. So, no, we have never wanted kids. We are like the Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
What is the best advice you would give to anyone who is looking for love out there but hasn’t found it?
Richie: I guess I would tell them to take an art history class at Rutgers.
Duane: All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey…
Richie: That’s right. Sing it, Duane.