Let’s face it; we have all had a rough past couple of years — namely, due to the pandemic and the subsequent mandatory lockdowns. Finally, though, as we approach Summer 2022, it appears things will be fully returning to normal with mask mandates lifting and scores of us heading back to the beach!
Yea, about that. Welp, just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water (without covering your eyes in horror), that hideous lil swimwear atrocity known as the ‘Jeado,’ or the “Daytona Dong Sarong,” or the “Jacksonville Jort” has also made its return.
Maybe you’ve seen it making rounds again on social media, especially Facebook. I saw it pop up in multiple posts on Easter Sunday. I quickly recognized the unholy irony that not everything should be resurrected.
I first wrote about this faux denim mankini-bottom back in 2019, and it seemed like nothing more than a fun gag gift item — until I was on vacation and saw a guy wearing one. And yes, it looks just as weird in person. With its recent resurgence, the Jeado continues to be sold at Shinesty.com — and is available in the classic denim color and a stonewashed version.
There’s something oddly appealing about the Jeado, I will admit. I’m obsessed with how awful a creation it is, literally awesome in its awfulness—sort of like the infamous shorts worn by bombshell Catherine “Daisy” Bach on the Dukes of Hazzard. Daisy Dukes were kind of over-the-top too, at first and then a scandalous fashion sensation —much like the Jeado (ok, maybe that’s a stretch).
Now that it’s back again, I’ll pose the same question I originally asked in 2019:
“Gentlemen, are you ready to rock the Jeado?”
Ok, I know what you’re thinking; who would wear a Speedo made of denim, right? Well, it’s faux denim. They’re made of polyester and Spandex, so you don’t have to worry about smooshing your junk into a blue jean slingshot to sport this new trend. Nope, you can rock this novelty in pure comfort, and your boys will still be able to breathe freely (ish).
Just consider the Jeado to be the first cousin of the Jort. They exist together in the new family of apparel oddities that half the public wouldn’t be caught dead in, while the other half of society enters in their credit card number screaming, “YAAAAAAAAAASSSS!” ordering one in every color. Which side are you on?
Shinesty.com has been creating some of the wackiest and most fun summer wear forever, but they’ve outdone themselves with this mess. Their ad campaigns are not for the faint at heart either. I live for seeing their newsletters and sales announcements in my inbox because I know a laugh and or a gratuitous crotch reference of some kind are imminent, and often it’s both combined – even funnier.
I could go on about the Jeado, but I think the team at Shinesty does it best in their own words,
“Jorts are the above-ground pool of the shorts world. We’d be inclined to agree. Our denim print swim brief, also known as the Jeado, also known as the Daytona Dong Sarong is just like that, except it is the above-ground hot tub of the swim brief world…or something like that. It is like eating a bag of chips in church. Everyone looks over at you with disgust, but deep down they want some too. And if you’re really risky you’ll combine those last 2 sentences, eating a bag of chips in church while wearing this denim swimsuit. You’ll probably get tossed out, but you’ll look and taste good doing it.”
And in their continued marketing genius, they offer a final, additional suggestion on how to accessorize the new Jeado, in style: “These should be paired with caterpillar-style mustaches for optimal results.”
That does sound like a hot vintage 70s porn vibe I could get into, but when I see images of the Jeado, the Tiger King comes to mind —total boner killer.
But, if you can’t resist and you’re craving some Jeado action to complete your 2022 summertime beach lewk, stroll on over to Shinesty and be sure to peep their latest underwear masterpiece, called “The 3rd Leg,” complete with an elephant’s trunk for your junk!
The author, Corey Andrew has updated and modified this article. It originally published on April 27, 2019.