Single and Fabulous Exclamation Point, as Carrie Bradshaw famously says in a classic Sex and the City episode. With the much anticipated, or much dreaded, however you see it, holiday right around the corner, Reddit asked people,
What fetish did your ex have that did absolutely nothing for you?
Thousands replied, commented, and shared their experiences. The fetishes described run the gamut, with some even commenting they are just on the thread looking for new fuck buddies! You know what they say about one man’s trash…
But after reading some of the replies, you might be thankful that you consider February 14th just a regular, old, boring Monday. Let’s take a look at some of the colorful answers. {Lord I hope none of my exes submitted an answer to this thread!}
“My ex happened to have a fetish for… transformation. Primarily weird ones though, not like werewolves or anything, but people turning into cars and shit like that. Definitely not something that you can do anything with.”
“I had an ex fwb who got really turned on by being vomited on during blowjobs… its so messy and also i gotta say personally, throwing up doesn’t ever get me in the mood for anything but a shower and some mouthwash.”
“He liked the idea of fooling around in public and almost getting caught. I like being in my apartment or hotels or places that. it’s totally normal and acceptable to bang. The anxiety of almost getting caught was a turnoff to me.”
“Not so much an ex, but a casual bedmate. He was a sub, I’m mega sub 3000. He wanted me to talk down to him and hit him/degrade him. I called him a pig and cried like a baby. I am not cut out for that lmao.”
“He was into biting necks and sucking blood like a vampire. Yeah, no.”
“Wanting me to pretend I wasn’t enjoying myself so he could be the one to teach me to enjoy sex. Ick.”
“he wanted to be licked pretty much anywhere, but he was a very hairy dude… I politely told him I wasn’t into it and he was ok with it, but the thought of having someone else’s body hair in my mouth and between my teeth is still horrifying lol”
“Inflatables. Balloons, pool floaties, that furniture we all inexplicably owned in the 90s/early 2000s. It wasn’t a turnoff, but definitely didn’t do anything for me.”
“I had an ex that had the hots for facemasks and gloves. He absolutely loved it. I dated him in 2016, I bet he’s enjoying this pandemic now.”
“He was super into sweat and his sweat dripping on me. Absolutely hated it.”
“Ex wanted me to dress up like Papa smurf, body paint and all. Stupidly never asked him why.”
“Strangers at a bar. Like….we already know each other now we gotta pretend like we don’t?”
“my ex EVERY SINGLE TIME WE HAD SEX HE would put his thumb inside my mouth and would beg me to tell him how short and small I am compared to him I never understood why tho, if you’re a guy that has an answer, feel free to tell me lmao.”
“I’m not sure it was a fetish, but quite a few SOs wanted to pop spots/blackheads.”
“He liked to smell farts. He’d go into the bathroom after I shit to smell it. Fucking weird.”
“Burning the back of his neck with cigarettes. He couldn’t get hard unless he was in pain. Turns out I am not sadistic at all; I am 100% submissive. That was the last time I ever dated a guy from a rave.”
“my ex used to always sneeze when he was horny so it was easy to tell even when his pants weren’t down. Turns out me crying really turned him on. Got awkward when we were fighting and I’d be crying and he would randomly start sneezing.”
“My ex liked to hold my dick like a microphone and talk to it. At first I thought it was funny. But then the conversations got real intense and dark. I’d lose all heat and he would scream in the “microphone” to not go limp on him. Had to ask him to not do that again to such a beautiful yet fragile instrument. It deserves respect and not to be yelled at!”
“He made me shave my pubes and would get mad if I didn’t.”
“My ex was super heavily and weirdly into Gordon Ramsay. I don’t feel I need to explain why this did nothing for me.”
“Omg the dude was into blinding himself with lights before getting it on, like this dude would stare at a light for like 1 minute and now that I think about, motherfucker, that’s fucking awful, I swear I’m not ugly wtf.”
Papa Smurf. Gordon Ramsay. And being blinded by the light. OH MY!
What about you, Instincters? Any relationships or one-night stands end because of a fetish you just were not into. At all. Sound off in the comments below!
Sources: Reddit
Staring into the lights is my favorite! Haha!
“My ex LOVED paper bags. I had to put one on my head every time he fucked me.” Haha!