Learning It’s Okay To Ask For What We Need

Matthew Dempsey (screen capture)

In his latest YouTube video, psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey explores not only why but how we should speak up to make sure our needs are met. 

It makes sense that we should always ask for what it is that we want, but many of us often don’t. 


Maybe we were ‘the best little kid in the world’ and taught ourselves to not make waves in order to be loved?

Or perhaps we learned to be a rebel at a young age and now we don’t take any shit?

According to Dempsey, both perspectives can “stem from our own underlying fear that we’re really not worth caring about.”

Recounting a recent chapter in his life where he stood firm on what it was he wanted in terms of dating, Dempsey makes the case that it’s ok to tell people what it is we need.


As Dempsey puts it, if friends or lovers can’t give or respect what it is we need from them, then maybe we need to love those folks “from a distance.”

“We have to forgive the people who aren’t able to meet our needs, and we have to invest like hell into those who can,” advises Dempsey.

Dempsey addresses the issue much better than we can, so hit the play button below.

And you can check out Instinct’s previous coverage of Dempsey and his thoughts on body positivity, fear of commitment, what makes a gay ‘daddy’ and more here.

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