By the time Pete Buttigieg uttered the words “contending with the hair is already a thing”, a thousand queer dads sighed in solidarity, a hundred aunties sharpened their combs, and someone somewhere whispered, “He’s in it now.”
Yes, the former U.S. Secretary of Transportation and erstwhile presidential hopeful is officially navigating the zone—that messy, magical, sticky-fingered dimension otherwise known as parenthood. And not just any parenthood, but gay parenthood, interracial gay parenthood, which means you’re fielding unsolicited hair advice on Instagram one minute and pondering America’s racial reality the next.
Pete and Chasten Buttigieg, who adopted mixed-race twins Penelope and Joseph in a whirlwind “surprise adoption scenario,” are candid about not having it all figured out. “We think about it all the time and it’s not like we have it all figured out,” Pete told the Flagrant podcast this week. Which, for any queer parent trying to raise a kid in a world that still insists on dividing people by boxes and biases, is about as honest and affirming as it gets.
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And can we talk about that “surprise adoption”? One day you’re just on a list, the next you’ve got two car seats, three diaper bags, and a standing appointment with the curly hair aisle. Pete didn’t dodge the reality: “Contending with the hair is already a thing… especially from Black parents who see stuff on Instagram and they’re like: ‘Let me tell you how to do it’. Lots of advice.”
Sir, welcome to the sacred tradition of auntie wisdom and coconut oil diplomacy. May your detangler be ever slippery, and your parting skills blessed.
But Buttigieg isn’t just cracking jokes—he’s clearly sitting with the heavier questions too. “You’re constantly asking yourself: ‘How can I be a good dad?’” he said. “And now it’s: ‘How can I be a good dad for kids who have a different racial identity than I do? How can I help them navigate that?’”
For a man whose former job was literally keeping America’s trains running, it’s refreshing to see him admit that some routes don’t come with a timetable. Parenting in a multi-racial, queer household isn’t a ride you can automate. “I need to connect them with mentors and people in their lives, because the reality is this is not a colour-blind society and their lives will be affected in some way by their racial [identity]. All of ours are.”
The tenderness shines through when he talks about what he does want for his kids: “That they know they are loved, that they are safe, and that they’re growing up in a world that has so much possibility for them. And that we’ll be there for them any way we can.”
Pete, we see you. That’s the dad dream, right there.
It’s a reminder that humanity is often more relatable than our politics. Two dads, two babies, one very honest conversation about race, love, and curly hair care—it’s not just gay folks who see themselves in that story. But for queer parents, especially, it hits home: the quiet power of visibility, the fierce love, the lifelong learning curve.
Also… Pete? If you ever need a recommendation for a good leave-in conditioner or a Black hair care YouTuber who will change your life—girl, we got you.
Source: Flagrant
You both will be great parents, just Love your two sweet babies.
Is it possible to LOVE this family, even more?
Being a parent is the most rewarding endeavor you will ever do. It lasts a lifetime and it never ceases to amaze you that they were your tiny little one and now they are an incredible adult. You will enjoy the wonderful and wild ride that is parenthood!
Your little family makes my heart smile and you and so many other like you meaning…loving, decent, responsible and fun…humans give me hope. Enjoy your new life.
My daughter has legal custody of 3 Native American Shoshone children …she too has had to ask about hair care …the braiding ..the fly aways ….lots of a product called gorilla snot ….so the don’t come home from school looking like they were in a tornado….its a wonderful life…enjoy every minute …I’d love to see your kids living in the White House
Love Pete and think he would make a great President, I also saw Chasten on a TV show and could see why he would be attracted to him. Chasten was funny, smart, sweet, and very likeable – a good match for Pete.
Oh Pete, keep doing what you’re doing and all’a’y’ll are gonna be fine. You two’ve got this!! Coconut oil works on the body also!
Pete, you and Chasten are great parents. And great role models.
Give those sweet babies hugs for me.
You & your husband are what America should strive to be.
I admire you & hat you stand for.
Love to you all, hope we will call you
Mr President one day soon.
YES! From the first time I saw him interviewed! He is a smart, caring man
I couldn’t agree more!
Oh the fun you two have ahead of you. The joy those two littles will bring you is a true gift of the heavens.
When my BFF adopted a Black child as a single mom, she was very conscious of the need to provide her son with Black models and things from Black culture. Pete and Chasten’s awareness about this will contribute to making them great parents.
Your have a beautiful family! Best2ualways!