Should We Scream “Gay Pride!” at Every Event?

Photo Credit: Unsplash / KK Shepel

Do you think it’s homophobic to uninvite gay wedding guests who won’t comply with dress code?

That is the subject of a Reddit “Am I the Asshole,” another popular thread in the same vein as “Ask Me Anything.” 

Posted by user Yrboiduck, this straight man, aged 32, is getting married to his fiancé, aged 34. In a classic case of never upstaging the bride and groom on their wedding day, the groom had to uninvite his brother and his boyfriend when they refused to change their rainbow outfits for the big day.

Let’s break down this one together, shall we?

I am getting married to my soon to be wife. Everything was going great, and we were giving out invitations. When I gave one to my brother (Sam), he asked if he could bring his boyfriend to the wedding. I was immediately super fond of the idea as Jack (his BF) and I are both very fairly close. About a week after, Sam sent a picture of what he was going to be wearing to the wedding in the wedding group chat. It was a rainbow tuxedo.

Initially, I thought he was joking, so I said “lmao.” He was very hurt and told me to go fuck myself. He has always been quite feminine in his clothing choices, which I am completely ok with, but me and my soon to be wife both thought that what he wanted to wear was inappropriate and would take the attention away from my wife and me.

I’m on board with this one so far. Gay or straight, a couple’s wedding day is what they want it to be. And we all know a brides will fight tooth and nail to have it be picture perfect. If the brother’s boyfriend didn’t actually purchase the rainbow tuxedo yet, what’s the big deal? 

Let’s continue!

I did explain to him why this made us uncomfortable, but he kept pulling the “well you’re just being homophobic” card on my and me soon to be wife. Also, on the invitation was a dress code saying black and white only. I told him that him and his boyfriend were both uninvited from our wedding. He told me that the only reason that I didn’t want him there was because I was homophobic. I am very much not homophobic. I go to pride marches and have never had any problem with him being gay. Most of our family agrees with my decision. But some are refusing to come to the wedding now. 

In my opinion, it sounds like Sam is being a big jerk. If his brother invited him and his boyfriend to the wedding and supposedly attends Pride events and marches, he sounds like the furthest thing from homophobic; at least according to his Reddit post. Instead of the thread being an “Am I the Asshole” it should be “Why is My Brother Being So Childish?” 

Here’s the update: 

I took some of your guys’ advice and I had a long conversation with my brother’s boyfriend. His boyfriend does not want to make a big thing of this and neither do I. It turns out my brother has been in a really bad place recently and got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. That is why he flipped at me and made a big deal out of this. I feel like such an asshole about this whole situation and so does my soon to be wife.

My brother and his boyfriend are not coming to the wedding due to the state my brother is in now (this was his boyfriend who decided that they should not come to the wedding). After learning all of the stuff I know now about my brother, I wish I would have let him wear the tuxedo. I feel like complete shit for causing him to go into a mental episode. I have told his boyfriend that my brother can wear whatever he wants to the wedding, but they do not want to come.

What do you think about this one, Instinct Readers? 

Should you really blame yourself for someone else’s mental state if they never shared their struggle with you in the first place? Was the rainbow tuxedo just a catalyst for the groom’s brother to pick a fight? Should the dress code for the wedding be changed to accommodate gay pride?

Sound off in the comments and let me know!

Sources: Newsweek, Reddit  

4 thoughts on “Should We Scream “Gay Pride!” at Every Event?”

  1. Has the gay brother sought medical help for his bi-polar condition? There are drugs and therapy that can help. Maybe gay brother should try that route, encouraged by getting-married brother and boyfriend.

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  2. The problem with these reddit threads is the same problem with a lot of stuff on the internet – just like watching some manufactured drama reality tv shit – you may be watching something with a real basis in fact, but it’s highly likely that what you end up seeing on tv (and in this case, reading on reddit) isn’t necessarily objectively presented.

    Based on what we know, I’m with the journalist here and the one reply – a wedding is the bride and grooms big day – it’s the same reasons some woman (whether lesbian, straight or whatever) shouldn’t show up wearing a Vera Wang wedding dress on the big day is she’s not the bride, so likewise this gay couple shouldn’t wear non-black tuxes. If they wanted to wear say a rainbow cummerbund, or perhaps a rainbow pair of suspenders would be more discrete (or even just a rainbow lapel pen or a rainbow bow tie) that would be better but pants and jackets in rainbow colors are clearly not “black tie.”

    As for the update, I can appreciate why the groom now feels upset but where was this boyfriend in all this? Why didn’t he act more before the pictures were posted in a group chat, I mean it would seem very apparent that a rainbow tux is not black tie. If I were the groom, I would be sympathetic to the brother’s mental state but I would not have regretted saying ‘no, you can’t wear this and if you insist, you’re uninvited.’

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  3. While I normally side with gay guys on issues, this one I can’t, I mean it’s his brothers wedding, some things aren’t about you or the right time to do things.

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  4. The groom was absolutely correct. It’s not the brothers day to pull focus. Even worse, hés bi-polar, which is just an added hiccup. I sure hope they work it out.

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