Do you think it’s homophobic to uninvite gay wedding guests who won’t comply with dress code?
That is the subject of a Reddit “Am I the Asshole,” another popular thread in the same vein as “Ask Me Anything.”
Posted by user Yrboiduck, this straight man, aged 32, is getting married to his fiancé, aged 34. In a classic case of never upstaging the bride and groom on their wedding day, the groom had to uninvite his brother and his boyfriend when they refused to change their rainbow outfits for the big day.
Let’s break down this one together, shall we?
I am getting married to my soon to be wife. Everything was going great, and we were giving out invitations. When I gave one to my brother (Sam), he asked if he could bring his boyfriend to the wedding. I was immediately super fond of the idea as Jack (his BF) and I are both very fairly close. About a week after, Sam sent a picture of what he was going to be wearing to the wedding in the wedding group chat. It was a rainbow tuxedo.
Initially, I thought he was joking, so I said “lmao.” He was very hurt and told me to go fuck myself. He has always been quite feminine in his clothing choices, which I am completely ok with, but me and my soon to be wife both thought that what he wanted to wear was inappropriate and would take the attention away from my wife and me.
I’m on board with this one so far. Gay or straight, a couple’s wedding day is what they want it to be. And we all know a brides will fight tooth and nail to have it be picture perfect. If the brother’s boyfriend didn’t actually purchase the rainbow tuxedo yet, what’s the big deal?
I did explain to him why this made us uncomfortable, but he kept pulling the “well you’re just being homophobic” card on my and me soon to be wife. Also, on the invitation was a dress code saying black and white only. I told him that him and his boyfriend were both uninvited from our wedding. He told me that the only reason that I didn’t want him there was because I was homophobic. I am very much not homophobic. I go to pride marches and have never had any problem with him being gay. Most of our family agrees with my decision. But some are refusing to come to the wedding now.
In my opinion, it sounds like Sam is being a big jerk. If his brother invited him and his boyfriend to the wedding and supposedly attends Pride events and marches, he sounds like the furthest thing from homophobic; at least according to his Reddit post. Instead of the thread being an “Am I the Asshole” it should be “Why is My Brother Being So Childish?”
Here’s the update:
I took some of your guys’ advice and I had a long conversation with my brother’s boyfriend. His boyfriend does not want to make a big thing of this and neither do I. It turns out my brother has been in a really bad place recently and got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. That is why he flipped at me and made a big deal out of this. I feel like such an asshole about this whole situation and so does my soon to be wife.
My brother and his boyfriend are not coming to the wedding due to the state my brother is in now (this was his boyfriend who decided that they should not come to the wedding). After learning all of the stuff I know now about my brother, I wish I would have let him wear the tuxedo. I feel like complete shit for causing him to go into a mental episode. I have told his boyfriend that my brother can wear whatever he wants to the wedding, but they do not want to come.
What do you think about this one, Instinct Readers?
Should you really blame yourself for someone else’s mental state if they never shared their struggle with you in the first place? Was the rainbow tuxedo just a catalyst for the groom’s brother to pick a fight? Should the dress code for the wedding be changed to accommodate gay pride?
Sound off in the comments and let me know!