Let’s keep it real. There are those of us who will always be in love with those big ol’ country boy’s – Bo & Luke from The Dukes of Hazard. Many of us fantasized about what it might be like to be their female, live-in cousin, Daisy, running around that testosterone-filled shack with those boys while wearing those infamous, tiny denim shorts. Nobody wore those things like Cousin Daisy. She branded that look almost immediately and the shorts quickly came to be known around the world as “Daisy Dukes.”
For some of us who like things a bit more daring though, those little shorts weren’t near extreme enough. Some of us thought, “They could be a liiiiitle smaller,” right?
Well, our prayers have been answered. Now for those hot summer days where we want to feel extra hooker-ish on the beach, it’s Shinesty.com to the rescue with a new look that combines the aesthetic of denim Daisy Dukes shorts and the slender cut of a Speedo.
Gentlemen, are you ready to rock the Jeado?
Ok, I know what you’re thinking, who would wear a Speedo made of denim, right? Well, it’s faux denim. They’re actually made of polyester and Spandex so you don’t have to worry about smooshing your junk into a blue jean slingshot to sport this new trend. Nope, you can rock this novelty in pure comfort, and your boys will still be able to breathe freely (ish).
Just consider the Jeado to be the first cousin of the Jort. They exist together in the new family of apparel oddities that half the public wouldn’t be caught dead in, while the other half of society enters in their credit card number screaming, “YAAAAAAAAAASSSS!” ordering one in every color. Which side are you on?
Novelty swimwear brand Shinesty.com has been creating some of the wackiest and fun summer wear forever, but they’ve outdone themselves with this little number. Their ad campaigns are not for the faint at heart either. I live for seeing their newsletters and sales announcements in my inbox because I know a laugh and or a gratuitous crotch reference of some kind are imminent, and often it’s both combined – even funnier.
I could go on about the Jeado, but I think the team over at Shinesty does it best in their own words.
“They say jorts are the above-ground pool of the shorts world. We’d be inclined to agree. Our denim print swim brief, also known as the Jeado, also known as the Daytona Dong Sarong is just like that, except it is the above-ground hot tub of the swim brief world…or something like that. It is like eating a bag of chips in church. Everyone looks over at you with disgust, but deep down they want some too. And if you’re really risky you’ll combine those last 2 sentences, eating a bag of chips in church while wearing this denim swimsuit. You’ll probably get tossed out, but you’ll look and taste good doing it.”
And in their continued marketing genius, they offer a final, additional suggestion on how to accessorize the new Jeado, in style: “These should be paired with caterpillar-style mustaches for optimal results.”
That does sound like a hot vintage 70s porn vibe I could get into, but I wonder, are the mustaches sold separately?