I find myself in an interesting position for the first time in my 32 years of existence.
There was a guy that I was in a relationship with for a considerable amount of time recently. It got to the point where I thought he was “the one” … until everything imploded due to factors that were beyond our control.
That’s the abridged version of what happened, but I’m now left with the uncertainty of a couple of things, one being dating again and realizing that I’m f***ing single again after thinking that this journey of one that I’ve been on for years was over.
It’s devastating going through a breakup. This is something I’ve been through before, but not to this magnitude. When you are with someone you think could be forever, it shifts your mind into places that you normally wouldn’t go to. Your thoughts allow you to do and think things that don’t make much sense. The aftermath of a split can make dating, or men, seem like a food you tried once and never, ever want to try again.
That aftermath is where I’m at currently. The first lap has once again reemerged, and at some point I will need to take the plunge and date again. This comes with its own set of problems. One: not being over the person you broke up with, even though the reasons for the split were aspects that neither of them were at fault for (long-distance, moving, etc).
Choosing to stay friends with your ex is tricky. Gone are the romantic moments, calling each other “babe” and other pet words, and the touch and feel of someone that makes you feel wanted and happy. Instead, you send awkward updates on your life, one-word texts that say “hey” or “hello” and the struggle of wondering if they are in the same mental torment as you over what transpired.
Two: how to look at someone new with the same thoughts that you had about your previous love. Can this switch really happen quickly or does the stereotypical thing occur where you hook up with enough men until you feel like you can move past this? I’m more Carrie Bradshaw than Samantha Jones in this aspect, with a dash of optimism from Charlotte York. The problem is… my overall view on this deep down is really the cynicism of Miranda Hobbes (I’m happily using a Sex and the City reference here).
Three: The effort. It’s painful to think about joining the app world again, going to bars and meeting guys at parties in hopes that there will be someone of interest that could spark something romantic. A steady relationship has a way of making you feel comfortable, that your walls are down and you can really be your authentic self. Doing a 180 on that and being single and alone again makes you want to cover everything up to the point where you want to be invisible.
I’ve heard from friends who have made me realize that this is a drop in the bucket and that there are several other men out there to fall in love with. But getting out of this emotional limbo is one that will take much time and healing. My hopes are that I’m able to see clearly at some point and that the right guy could be around the corner. And if they aren’t… that’s fine too. I guess.
How does one move on in the love world from a drastic breakup?
This is the opinion of one contributing writer and not that of Instinct Magazine or other Contributing Writers.