Out singer/songwriter Tom Goss drops this chill summer single, “Quayside,” from his upcoming album, Territories. The song shares the delicate story of entering into a polyamorous relationship.
In a departure for the ‘guitar-toting troubadour,’ Goss explores new musical territory in “Quayside” (pronounced ‘key-side’). The track, featuring acclaimed songwriter Gregory Douglass and produced by Ian Carmichael, finds Goss shifting into a contemporary synth-pop vibe.
I recently chatted at length with Goss about the new track and how his own perceptions of love and relationships shaped the narrative of the upcoming album.
“‘Quayside’ explores an entirely new set of boundaries that I encountered when visiting my lover at his home on a quayside in London for the first time,” explains Goss. “I was concerned about being respectful to him, and his public (or daily life with his husband) while still being respectful to my own husband, and the love we’ve fostered for so many years.”
“It’s been a tumultuous three years or so for me, in that my husband and I opened our relationship, which is very difficult for me,” shared Goss in our candid interview. “I spent a lot of time struggling with that, and a lot of time just being really introspective.”
“This has all been an evolution trying to understand my role in helping my husband find the thing he was searching for and support him in the changing man that he was becoming,” explained the singer. “And I was a little lost in knowing where I fit in along those lines. So, I think that that definitely made me very introspective and I think changed the ways in which I tell stories because it was painful for me.”
“There’s a whole world out there that’s very frightening because you we live in a society that tells us what sex is, and what relationship is, and what monogamy is and what this is,” said Goss. “And when you come out as gay, a whole bunch of that falls to the ground and you have to learn how to live with that.”
“And when you open your relationship, it does the same exact thing”, he added. “A whole bunch of those internal constructs that you believe are innate to you, you start questioning. Are these innate to me or are these something that’s learned? Is this a learned behavior?”
“And this is a learned thought,” says Goss with a sense of resolution.
To make sure everyone is on the same page here, the discussion is not about cheating on one’s spouse or partner.
Polyamory is described as the practice of intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been called ‘consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.’
That said, Goss is clear that seeking purely physical connections are not in his wheelhouse.
“I want to have really impactful emotional experiences,” shares the singer. “For me, the idea of physicality and openheartedness is very important, and I want my intimate experiences with my husband, or with another person, to be really open and connective.”
Shifting the conversation to the music, Goss shares, “The whole record is really me trying to understand how I engage with the world at large in a positive, honest way.”
“And it really puts a spotlight on the openness of the opening of the relationship, and the falling in love with another person, and the wanting to be respectful of that person, and wanting to be respectful of my husband, and wanting to be respectful of me, and wanting to be respectful of my lover,” he says. “It has been all of these things and it just becomes a mind f*ck very quickly.”
“I’m so proud of this record – I’ve never heard anything like it. And, I’ve never shied away from saying something ‘different’ in my career,” says the man who put the bear community front and center in his music video celebrating the furry form.
A veteran musician of seven albums, Goss has played over a thousand shows in over a hundred cities around the globe, and his music has been featured on ABC, HBO and Univision.
A college wrestler turned Catholic seminarian turned polyamorous gay songwriter, Goss is well-known in the LGBT world for his music videos for “Bears,” “Round in All The Right Places,” and his cover of the Dusty Springfield classic “Son of a Preacher Man,” which reimagines the video as a poignant ballad about two gay teens.
Racking up more than 12 million views of his music videos, Goss has been praised by press outlets such as The Washington Post, The Advocate, The Daily Beast, Huff Post, Billboard and more.
“Quayside” is now available now on all digital download sites.
For more info about Tom and his future tour dates, click over to TomGossMusic.com.
You can listen to our full chat below.
Exploring new territory? Really, is that what it’s being called today? I have seen Tom Goss perform, own all his previous CD’s, etc but I’m turned off to his latest adventure. His new single is supposed to be inspirational? For what is tantamount to nothing more than hooking up or in the week’s new word, “polyamory”. Lots of fluffy descriptions about his difficulty in sleeping around while still married. At one point Tom Goss proudly boasted of his long, monogamous gay marriage. In fact, it is what my several of my male, gay friends fought hard for…the right to marry the same as hetero couples. In the majority of cultures around the world, monogamy is what is meant by “marriage” and those who believe in marriage believe in “forsaking all others” and “unto death do us part.” Now with the polyamorous crowd, everything and anything goes. Why bother to get married in the first place? Polyamory might be a new lifestyle but that’s all it is; a lifestyle where those unfilled in their marriages take on as many other partners for intimacy as suits them. Promoting this lifestyle discredits those in monogamous marriages, gay or straight. So Tom Goss and his husband can flounce around on their little journeys of a new lifestyle but it’s nothing more than selfish behavior to fulfill what is missing in their own marriage. Lost a fan; not going to listen to or buy into any more. I’ll stick to those who understand what marriage truly is all about; love, commitment, fidelity, and respect.
Fiona, the point that is being missed is that some of us worked long and hard to obtain the right to be able to join in a “heteronormative” monogamous marriage. As it is, even the staunchest ally doesn’t often view a “gay” marriage as “real.” If someone wants to sleep around, fine, but DON’T get married and tarnish our unions. When my husband died, I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “well, it wasn’t a real marriage.” I also heard after he was gone for 2 months, “have you found someone new yet” After 4 months I heard, “why are you still in such a dark place?” Essentially, because our relationships are considered a JOKE and further perpetuated because people want to sleep and flit about like Peter Pan, we are thrust in a world where our grieving is considered comical at best and an inconvenient nuisance at worst. During my grieving period, I discovered Toms music and took comfort in it BECAUSE he was promoting himself as monogamous. It was the one anchor I had in my loss because I “thought” he got it. Now, this polyamorous nonsense just makes it seem like once again, gay marriage is a joke and his lyrics were nothing short of a farce. This betrayal is like burying my husband all over again.
Hi, again I feel great sympathy for you. I am (I hope) a staunch ally and consider gay marriage to be as equal and sometimes even greater expression of love than straight marriages-due to the extra challenges that you describe in achieving this right. I’m so sad for you that so many people have made you feel that your life, love, marriage and mourning is somehow lesser. I hope you can find comfort still in the lyrics of Tom’s songs, and for what they mean to you.
Unfortunately, I won’t ever find comfort in Tom’s music again, which is a shame considering how much of his stuff I’ve purchased for myself and friends. He caved and all the sex addicts are applauding his fall into that trap. I would have had more respect if he walked away and did an album about that exploration.
Funny how he was the poster child for monogamous gay marriage and even has just the photo of his first husband and the married info on his Facebook page. If he is so proud of this polyamorous thing, where’s the photo of the new guy? Must be nice to have your first husband support you and then take flight to England for a piece of tail with the delusion that you can “love” 2 people. Sorry Tom. Marriage takes work and the fact that you intentionally misrepresented your fans is reprehensible.
I don’t think this is a fair comment at all. Yes, it’s a bit of a shock when a relationship we think we ‘know ‘ and have become invested in through songs, FB and interviews etc turns out to not be what we believed it was. However it is not our relationship to approve of, we have no say in it, and Tom didn’t have to explain anything. At the heart of his songs has always been acceptance of different people and how they love and live. If Tom and his husband (and any other consenting adult) are happy, then I can only wish them love, luck and light.
If he did NOT market himself as the poster boy for monogamous gay marriage, I would agree with you and say, what the heck, live and let live. Instead, he marketed to the niche group and yanked the rug. Many of us STILL believe in monogamous relationships and this polyamorous crap spits in the face of those of us who were married and ultimately widowed. His love songs are as much as a farce as he is.
Hi Mike, thanks for your comment – I wrote the article. I just want to be clear, in case it’s not already, that it was Tom’s husband who initiated opening up the relationship. As Tom mentions, part of his struggle was to figure out how he fit into this new dynamic. Tom didn’t simply ‘take flight’ for another guy leaving his husband in the lurch. If you listen to the full interview on the podcast, I think you might get a clearer sense.
That didn’t come across in the printed article. Still, this whole polyamorous mess with married gay couples is precisely the reason why gay monogamous married people do not get treated equally in society. Bury a spouse and see how many people minimize it because these sleep around types make it seem like gay people can’t love and can’t be committed to one another. If his husband wanted it open, then it should have been more clarified. They should have just broken up. You can’t market to a niche market and then tell us 3 years later that the both of them lied because it simply spits in the face of those of us who worked HARD to get the marriage equality act passed.
Hi Mike, sorry to hear about your bereavement. I split up from my husband after a ‘supposedly happy’ 20 year marriage when my husband had an affair. It was an awful time, the lies were definitely the worst bit and trying to work out at what part my happy marriage was an illusion.
I understood from the article that the idea came from Tom’s husband and that they have had to find their truths and how they can both be happy-which may have involved changing their minds about monogamy or if it could work for them. I consider it to be brave of Tom to open up and be honest with his fans. I’m not denying that it is a shock and some fans may have to reassess the way they view Tom as a person and a musician.
I don’t believe it invalidates or changes your own marriage-or equal marriage as a whole. Things change, people get hurt. Hopefully a lot of people can benefit from the institution of marriage. The reality is life can be painful for all of us, gay or straight. Sending you my very best wishes.