The holidays are traditionally seen as a time of joy, family, and togetherness. Yet, for many LGBTQ+ individuals, this season can bring unique challenges. Despite societal progress, feelings of isolation, strained family dynamics, and heteronormative pressures remain common hurdles.
Growing up as a gay Latino man, the holidays were always bittersweet. I remember the warmth of tamales and champurrado, the joy of twinkling lights, and loud rambunctious games of lotería, but those moments were often overshadowed by a sense of not quite belonging or Christmas never being enough. As a teen, while my family loved me, there was an unspoken tension about who I was and the life I was building for myself. The questions about when I’d bring home a girlfriend or settle down as cousins brought significant others to dinner made every family gathering feel like a minefield.
It wasn’t until I began celebrating the holidays with my chosen family—a group of friends who accepted and loved me unconditionally—that I started to reclaim the season for myself. Instead of traditional dinners, now we host potlucks, exchange quirky gifts, have game nights, celebrate with something special like Jinkx & DeLa’s Holiday Show, get festive at a local bar and toast to surviving another year as our authentic selves in preparation to ring in a new year full of new hopes and dreams. These moments teach me that the holidays could be joyful and meaningful, even if they didn’t look like the Hallmark version we are all made to think exists.
I have learned to navigate disappointment during the holidays and have had to realize that sometimes the perfectly imperfect is as good as it will get. Still, when the tree is up and the house is quiet, the melancholy sets in and I remember how complex Christmas and the holiday season has always been for me.
This is also always a reminder of how difficult this time of year is for LGBTQ+ folks and how we are often forced to navigate the holidays because they take different shapes and forms for everyone.
Social Expectations and Heteronormativity
Holiday traditions often reinforce heteronormative ideals, portraying nuclear families and romantic partnerships as the norm. For LGBTQ+ individuals, these narratives can feel exclusionary especially the cultural emphasis on traditional family structures and the expectation of having children. For many, the season serves as a reminder of societal norms that prioritize parenthood and exclude diverse family dynamics. LGBTQ+ folks may feel alienated during gatherings where conversations revolve around parenting milestones or when marketing campaigns center around nuclear families with children. These pressures can be compounded by family rejection or estrangement, leaving some to navigate feelings of isolation or inadequacy during what is meant to be a time of joy. However, the season also offers opportunities to redefine the holidays. Creating personal traditions—whether traveling with friends, hosting gatherings with chosen family, or supporting queer-friendly spaces—can foster a sense of belonging and community.
Family Dynamics and Acceptance
Family gatherings may be fraught with tension, especially for those not fully accepted by relatives. The fear of judgment or rejection can overshadow holiday cheer. Many LGBTQ+ individuals turn to chosen family—friends and peers who affirm their identity—to celebrate. Building new traditions with supportive communities can help mitigate the challenges posed by unaccepting family dynamics.
Isolation and Loneliness
The holidays’ emphasis on togetherness can heighten feelings of loneliness, especially for those without supportive families or partners. Traditional media often neglects diverse holiday experiences, contributing to a sense of invisibility. Increasing LGBTQ+ representation in holiday stories and media can help create a more inclusive environment. Films like The Family Stone, Happiest Season and Single All the Way have begun this shift, but there’s more to be done.
Religious Intolerance
For some, the holidays’ religious undertones present an additional challenge. Conflicts between sexual orientation or gender identity and religious beliefs can lead to alienation. Many LGBTQ+ individuals choose to celebrate secular holidays, focusing on gratitude, giving, and community rather than traditional religious observances.
Building Inclusive Traditions
Despite these challenges, LGBTQ+ individuals and allies can create inclusive and affirming holiday experiences. Incorporating symbols of pride into decorations, preparing diverse dishes, and engaging in community events are meaningful ways to celebrate. Open conversations about acceptance and empathy with family and friends can further foster understanding.
Prioritizing Well-Being
For LGBTQ+ individuals, prioritizing mental and emotional well-being during the holidays is essential. Setting boundaries, connecting with affirming people, and engaging in self-care can make the season more manageable. Participating in LGBTQ+ events and building supportive networks can provide comfort and joy.
The holiday season, while layered with challenges, also offers opportunities to celebrate identity and foster inclusivity. By creating spaces that honor diverse experiences, we can ensure the holidays become a time where everyone feels seen, valued, and celebrated.
