Are You A Victim Of “Roaching” In Dating?

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Are you a victim of “roaching?” Or are you a culprit of it?

Every year sees a new update to the dating world. As we evolve and understand ourselves and the world more, the ways that we understand and discuss dating change too. And with that comes trends and terms for the ways that we date. Recently, a new term has emerged and it’s called “roaching.”


The term “roaching” refers to when you find out someone you’re dating has hidden the fact that they’re dating (and/or sleeping with) several other people. This isn’t necessarily a new trend or phenomenon in dating. Before it was known as “playing the field,” “being a player,” or something to that effect. So why is it being given this new negative term? To focus on the hostile lack of communication.

The reason “roaching” is being called “roaching” is to go with the imagery of the nasty little (and sometimes not so little) bugs. As Exclusive Matchmaking CEO Susan Trombetti told InStyle, knowing someone you’re dating may be dating other people isn’t a problem. The situation becomes “roaching” when you “realize there are, in fact, many” other lovers.

She adds, “It’s inspired by the ickiness of seeing one of these nasty little bugs — but knowing when you turn the lights on, there are lots of them.”

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Related: Are Gay Apps Helping or Hurting Long Term Dating?

At the end of the day, people are allowed to date several people when they’re at the beginning of a new relationship. Until you vocalize boundaries and expectations, dating several people is understandable and sometimes expected. That’s especially true in queer circles and right now when Americans are more open and active in the dating scene.

“Now that vaccinations for COVID-19 are widely available in the United States, our research has shown that more singles are looking to make up for lost time: whether that’s meeting new people, having sex, or forming intimate connections, which may result in dating and sleeping with multiple people,” Alanna Lauren Greco, Bumble‘s associate director of editorial content, told The New York Post.

“‘Roaching’ reminds us to prioritize safe sex and to have open and honest conversations with partners around our expectations and preferences,” Greco added. “Some people may not mind how many partners the person you are seeing is sleeping with, but if you do, you should feel empowered to share your boundaries and prioritize your needs.”

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So, how do you know if a guy is roaching you? Some telltale signs are if the guy is hot and cold toward you or keeping a distance. If he’s not opening up to you after seeing each other for a while, you already have a problem (roaching or not). If you feel uneasy because he’s keeping you at an arm’s length, he might still like you. Just, he might not be ready to settle to one dating option. Another possible sign is if he doesn’t make or keep plans with you. If a guy’s roaching you, he might be doing this because he’s waiting for “better” plans and options.

But here’s the thing. Don’t panic just because a new term has come along in the dating scene. The best and easiest solution for possible “roaching” is communication. Talk to the guy you’re seeing and ask him what his dating expectations are. And share your own. Of course, don’t ask this to a guy you’ve seen only twice. This is more for a guy you’ve been talking to for a few months.

In the end, communication is key to any kind of healthy relationship (romantic or platonic). So talk to your guy, shine a light on the situation, and move forward (whether that’s with him or with yourself).

Source: InStyle, New York Post, 93.1 KISSFM,

4 thoughts on “Are You A Victim Of “Roaching” In Dating?”

  1. Everyone roaches, it’s normal, its everyday gay life. I have been dating this one guy but he doesn’t know that I have been sleeping around with 5 married men. The married guys are hot as fuck and love the attention I give them. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him and if he finds out, time to dump him and move on.

    • But where do YOU fall in this picture?

      Do you like being the call boy for these five man on speed dial (whom have their own lives and families?) Is this also why you desire to be ‘normal’ having a ‘normal relationship?’

      Do you like lying/hiding from your current partner, does this make you feel ashamed/guilty? And if he were to find out, instead of facing it, you’ll dump him?

      Honey there’s no such thing as normal and I dig your confidence and you’re probably smokin hot — I just worry for your heart and soul brodie lol. Your ass gotta level-up before you leave this god awful game! 😛

      • And I’ve ‘played the field’ in terms of talking to people, dating two guys feels like a stretch for me and my conscience lol. So you could imagine me fucking these guys, it would destroy me!

    • Friend, you can definitely play the field. But, be open and honest with your partner about it. He may be totally okay with having an open relationship where you get to continue sleeping with your haram of married men and him. However, he may not be okay with it, and that’s totally cool too. But, ultimately, he deserves to know! Communication is essential in any and all romantic (and even platonic) relationships.


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