Trigger Warning: Suicide
Chris Appleton has spent his career as a celebrity hairstylist making people look their most confident and beautiful. But in a deeply personal interview, the celebrity hairstylist revealed that there was a time when he couldn’t see beauty—or hope—in himself.
Photo Credit: @chrisappleton1
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Speaking with Jay Shetty on the On Purpose podcast, Appleton opened up about the pain, shame, and fear he carried when he came out as gay at the age of 26—while being a father to two young children. It was a conversation that would eventually save his life, but not before bringing him to his darkest point.
Photo Credit: @chrisappleton1
Coming Out as a Gay Dad
At the time, Appleton had been with his partner Katie for nine years. Together, they had two children—Billy, now 22, and Kitty, now 20. Coming out to a partner is difficult enough. Coming out to children, Appleton said, was something else entirely.
“The hardest part was telling my kids,” he shared. “My job as a dad, I felt, was to protect my kids. Going through what I went through as a kid, being bullied was horrible. So the idea of bringing that to my kids was really painful… to feel that they would get bullied because their dad was gay.”
Photo Credit: @chrisappleton1
The thought consumed him. He worried about the taunts they might hear, the questions they might face, and the shame that could be forced on them—shame that he knew all too well from his own childhood.
The Weight of Shame
“I know the things that kids say, and I know how mean they can be,” he recalled.
“And I just didn’t want them to ever have that shame that was put on me onto them. In a way, I felt like a disease. I felt like it was like a cancer. I wanted to cut it out of me. If I could just get rid of that, then I could just be a normal dad for them, because that’s what they need.”
Photo Credit: @chrisappleton1
Appleton came out to his then-partner, Katie, first, then to his family, giving each person space to process it in their own way. But telling his children—who were only six and eight at the time—was the moment that broke him.
After his son asked if this meant he was “going to change,” Appleton left the house, overcome by shame.
“I felt like it would be better for them to have a dad that was dead than a dad that was gay,” he admitted.
@chrisappletonhair You better be nice in the comments. @Shark Beauty #flexstyle
The Darkest Night
That night, Appleton checked into a hotel. Holding a photo of his children, he made the decision to end his life.
“I rang Kate and I apologized for the pain that I’d caused,” he said. “I closed my eyes, and I just thought: ‘This is it. I won’t hurt anyone anymore, and maybe I’ll stop hurting, too.’”
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What happened next is a blur in his memory. He remembers sirens. Then hospital voices. And then a realization:
“I couldn’t hate myself any more than I had. And I couldn’t try and stop being gay anymore. I’d done everything within my power. So, although it was one of the darkest nights of my life, I think it was a turning point.”
Choosing to Live—and to Be Seen
That turning point didn’t erase the pain, but it shifted something inside Appleton. He understood that he could not—and should not—continue living in self-rejection. He could not change who he was. And he could not disappear from his children’s lives.
@jayshetty @Chrisappleton1 gets emotional reading a letter from his daughter @Kitty-Blu appleton 🎙️ Search ‘Jay Shetty Chris Appleton’ to watch or listen today!
It was from that place that he began to rebuild, finding ways to release the shame he had carried for so long.
A Message for Others
Appleton’s journey is not just about survival—it’s about choosing authenticity, even when it feels impossible. That message is at the heart of his upcoming book, Your Roots Don’t Define You (Transform Your Life. Create Your Comeback). The book comes out on January 20, 2026.
“This isn’t just a book about hair,” the book’s description reads. “It’s about healing the parts of yourself you’ve been hiding, silencing the voice that says ‘you’re not enough,’ and using both your past and your pain as fuel for an unforgettable comeback.”
For Appleton, the comeback is not just professional—it’s personal. It’s about refusing to let shame dictate the future, about breaking free from the patterns that kept him silent, and about showing his children—and the world—that living your truth is not something to be ashamed of.
If You Are Struggling
Appleton’s story is a reminder that even when it feels like there is no way forward, there is help, and there is hope.
In the United States, dial 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline—available 24/7, free and confidential. LGBTQ youth can also reach out to The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386. International suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org.