Dating can feel like a full-time job these days.
You swipe. You chat. You plan a date. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s awkward, and sometimes the person who seemed perfect online suddenly “forgets” how to reply to messages.
Sound familiar?
If you’ve been wondering why dating feels a little more complicated lately—especially in the LGBTQ+ community—you’re definitely not alone. But there’s good news: new research is shedding some light on what people are actuallylooking for in relationships, and the answers might make your next date a lot easier to navigate.
According to a national study conducted by DatingAdvice.com in partnership with the Kinsey Institute, honesty is officially the most important trait singles want in a romantic partner. Out of 2,000 single adults surveyed across the United States, 47% ranked honesty as their top priority, beating out physical attraction, financial stability, and even sexual chemistry.
In other words: being real is officially in style. Finally, right?
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The Biggest Dating Green Flag? Honesty
In the era of filtered selfies, clever bios, and curated Instagram feeds, honesty has become surprisingly attractive.
The study—The State of Us: National Study on Modern Love & Dating in 2025—found that nearly half of American singles prioritize honesty above everything else when choosing a partner.
And here’s the interesting part: men and women agree on this almost perfectly. About 47% of men and 46% of women listed honesty as their number-one relationship trait.
Why the sudden craving for truth?
Probably because modern dating can feel a little… performative. People are presenting their best angles online, sometimes leaving out the messy, human parts of life. After enough ghosting, mixed signals, and “situationships,” many singles simply want someone who says what they mean and means what they say.
And honestly? That sounds pretty refreshing.
LGBTQ+ Dating Has a Few Unique Priorities
While honesty is still a top trait for LGBTQ+ singles, the study found that queer daters often evaluate compatibility a little differently.
For one thing, shared political values matter more.
About 14% of LGBTQ+ respondents ranked political alignment as a key relationship trait, compared to only 6% of cisgender heterosexual singles.
Why the difference?
For many queer people, politics isn’t just background noise—it directly affects daily life. Issues like equality, healthcare access, and anti-discrimination protections can shape personal safety and long-term security. Because of that, dating someone who shares those values can feel incredibly important.
Think of it less as debating policy and more as asking: Does this person understand the world I live in?
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Emotional Intelligence Is Very Attractive
Another trait LGBTQ+ singles value highly? Emotional intelligence.
According to the study, 28% of LGBTQ+ respondents say emotional intelligence is a must-have quality, compared to 18% of cis-het singles.
Translation: being emotionally aware is a huge green flag.
This doesn’t mean someone has to be a therapist-level communicator. But it does mean qualities like empathy, kindness, and emotional maturity are incredibly appealing.
In practical terms, emotional intelligence can show up in small but meaningful ways:
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Checking in after a stressful day
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Respecting boundaries
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Apologizing when you mess up
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Actually listening during conversations
Basically, the bar might not be sky-high—but it does involve basic emotional awareness.
Religion Matters Less for LGBTQ+ Daters
Another interesting difference in the study involves religion.
Compared to non-LGBTQ+ participants, queer singles were less likely to rank shared religious beliefs as an important trait in a partner.
This doesn’t mean LGBTQ+ individuals don’t value spirituality or personal beliefs. Instead, compatibility often centers more on shared values, respect, and emotional connection rather than belonging to the same religious tradition.
For many queer daters, what matters most is whether a partner is supportive, open-minded, and aligned with their worldview.
Why Dating Might Feel Hard Right Now
If you’ve been feeling frustrated with dating lately, there’s actually a reason for that.
Modern dating offers more options than ever before—but that can also create decision fatigue. Add social media expectations, busy schedules, and the occasional ghosting episode, and it’s easy to see why people feel burned out.
The study also suggests that relationship experience plays a role. Older generations, like Gen X and baby boomers, are more likely to suspect a partner of cheating compared to younger groups. Those experiences may explain why honesty becomes even more valuable over time.
After all, once someone has dealt with dishonesty in the past, they’re much more likely to prioritize transparency in future relationships.
A Few Fun (and Practical) Dating Tips
If you’re navigating the LGBTQ+ dating world right now, here are a few takeaways from the research.
Be authentic. Trying to impress someone with a perfect image is exhausting. Showing up as yourself is not only easier—it’s also what most people are looking for.
Pay attention to values. Attraction matters, of course. But shared beliefs and outlooks often determine long-term compatibility.
Look for emotional maturity. A partner who communicates clearly and treats people kindly is worth their weight in gold.
Trust consistency. If someone’s words and actions match, that’s usually a very good sign.
The Good News About Dating
Yes, dating can be messy. It can also be hilarious, unpredictable, awkward, exciting, and occasionally magical.
But the biggest takeaway from this research is actually pretty hopeful: people still want real connection.
Across communities, singles are increasingly prioritizing honesty, kindness, and emotional understanding over superficial qualities. And within the LGBTQ+ community, shared values and empathy are playing an even bigger role.
So if dating has felt a little chaotic lately, remember this: the right person probably isn’t looking for perfection.
They’re just looking for someone real.
REFERENCE: datingadvice.com