Yes, 2020 has been a fairly awful year for many because of the Coronavirus pandemic. Sure, we are somewhat ending things on a positive note thanks to who our president and vice-president elect are, but there were many, many problems along the way that left us with an overall negative vibe about these past several months.
Love in the time of COVID has been interesting. One of my previous jobs was as a celebrity reporter had me seeing a common occurrence where many couples were re-emerging during this pandemic, the ones that split after a longtime together, and the others that got married or welcomed another member to their families. They all had one thing in common with each other: LOVE. Regardless of the state of where they are now, there was a time, past or present, that blissful happiness more than likely existed for them.
For years I’ve had friends ask me why I’m still single and why I haven’t found the one yet. Especially now that I’m in my mid 30’s where everyone around me is either coupled up, married, or even divorced at this point.
I’ve used COVID as an excuse as to why I’m not dating, an understandable reason as I live in New York City, which for months became a Big Brother type of deal, was sort of non-existent and could’ve been tricky to do in the early months of this seemingly never ending situation.
That excuse, however, is a big fat lie. I have guys constantly telling me I’m good looking. I could date half the men in my community if I wanted to as I’m a handsome dude who is smart, educated and can hold a conversation. Mind you that me saying this is not ego-driven but more of a confidence level that I’ve built for years. And I have no problem saying what I just said about myself.
The reason why I don’t put myself out there is because of a broken heart that has yet to be fixed. This sounds very dramatic and all but this is par for the course for many who have been in my shoes.
I’ll give the abridged version here. Met a guy, long distance, fell in love with him months before we met, fell deeper after we finally got together, considered moving cross country to be with him full-time, almost bought a ring, great sex, etc.
My rose colored glasses in that relationship were glued tightly to my ears as I was head over heels for this dude and ignored all the warning signs my friends gave me. After 15 years full of dating several dead ends and enduring failed relationships, I finally thought I found the one…
…until it wasn’t what I thought at all. It turned out he had someone the whole time we were dating (allegedly) and he broke things off with me months before I was planning to move and start my life with him, more than likely because they shared the same lease together and he got caught… but I digress.
This happened roughly two years ago which is hard to believe because it felt like yesterday. To be burned that badly by someone you saw as your possible husband was crushing, yet, I did learn some valuable life lessons that I’ll apply when and if I’m ready to date again.
For now the door remains closed and COVID thankfully has added another padded lock, in case someone is trying their best to get in.
What worries me with dating is the future and the fear of being hurt again. The COVID excuse can only be used for so long and at some point I hope I will want to get back out there, although, I believe I may not know how.
This could be part of a bigger problem mentally as COVID has no doubt affected my mindset to where even going out socially is problematic. And doing the virtual dating thing is something I never wanted to do again as it was how the heartbreak relationship began.
So… when should you hit the resume button after your heart has been shattered? And can it happen during COVID?
This is the opinion of one contributing writer and not that of Instinct Magazine or other contributing writers.