Do Straight Acting Gay Guys feel a little left out of our Big Ol’ Gay Family?

I’ve never been the kind of person to fit into stereotypes, but I have always been the type who pretends to. Sometimes I pretend to like the things society tells me a gay man should. But truth be told, I’m not a huge fan of Madonna, I don’t really like RuPaul’s Drag Race, and I’m not exactly into Grindr or one night encounters. I’ve realized in today’s gay culture, it’s a double-edged sword. While we claim that “straight acting” dudes are hotter and more admired, these very same guys find it difficult finding a place for themselves at the gay dinner table.

It’s hard pretending to know about things you simply don’t care about. I’m not exactly the most masculine dude in the world (this I know), but a friend recently described me as a “straight acting” gay man. I never would have labeled myself as such, and the second he said it, for whatever reason, I felt exclusive. We always hear how masculinity is desirable, so in my head I thought this label made [me] more valuable. The truth of the matter is it’s all bullshit. –

How do straight acting gay men feel?  Do they feel they are in an exclusive subgroup?  Do they feel they are better than the other members of the rainbow family?  Or do they feel they are outsiders?  Does it depend on where you are and who you are around?  David continues …

We work out at the gym to get a nice body, but we’ll also turn up the “gay” when a girlfriend needs her GBF. We butch it up in front of our gay crushes so he’ll think we’re more masculine than we are, but we get super flamboyant when we’re watching BRAVO with our roommate. It’s a total human instinct to mirror the energy levels of people we’re around at any given time – so this type of behavior is neither a good or bad thing. But lately it seems like we have to choose what we are depending on who we’re hanging out with: Are we going to be masculine today or will we be feminine?

Depending on whatever choice we make, we assume it’s going to affect our ability to find acceptance. We think we need to reach a standard in order to appear attractive, valuable, and worthy of spending time with. We look at what the world expects of us rather than being who we truly are. As someone who hasn’t had the best of luck imitating others, I’ve lately found incredible peace not giving a crap about any of it. By letting go of the need to live for others, you experience true freedom. –

This is a very good point.  Live for yourself and all will fall into place.  David seems to be saying that he's done considering how he should act when he is around different people.  No more gaying it up or faking interests. And that is how we all should be, just be ourselves!  But then again, it doesn't sound like that's working for him.

It’s hard feeling like you don’t fit in with your community, but it’s even harder when you are under the impression that you need to change. Trust me when I say you don’t need to change anything about yourself. The structure in which society places us needs to change. It’s 2015. We learned a long time ago that segregation isn’t cool, yet we do it all the time in our own culture.

Gay guys used to want to fit in with straight society because it was a way to stay closeted; but now gay guys are proudly showing off their colors and giving zero f*cks who sees it. But have we become the victim of our success? To the gay men who don’t seem to fit in with the straight or gay world, are we unconsciously not allowing room for them at our dinner tables? –

How do you interpret David Artavia's statements?  Is he saying he and his straight acting gay friends make up the most neutral color in our rainbow coalition?  Is he saying that other subgroups of LGBT are more colorful, adventurous, and he just doesn't fit in?  Unlike me who apparently is as colorful as Cam, does David believe he needs more color in his life in order to fit in and be recognized by other LGBT peeps?

Some may say he's just looking for a pity party for him being what many on Grindr search for, the all powerful "STR8 Acting"" guy.  Stop crying and get over being what many see as the ideal catch, the ideal husband, the ideal lover.   But David did not mention anything about sex.  This is not about sex, but belonging, acceptance, and interaction.

Or do you believe what he is saying?  Straight acting men are socially and culturally shunned by other gay subgroups.  We may like to look at them, lust after them, and want to be with them physically and sexually, but when it comes to socializing with them, we may have more fun with a pug.  Do we hold them up on a pedestal but then realize they are somewhat of an oddity, a museum piece.  Are they something to look at, maybe even touch, but you can't and you don't want to take it home forever? 

Or do they not even exist on our radar? Are they so middle of the road and mainstream they lack color and substance where we desire depth and excitement?

Or do we all just roll our eyes at the use of labels and colors and wish we all could wrap ourselves in one big happy rainbow flag?  Do you have an issue with the straight acting label?  I know, I know, no more wire hangers labels!   But we are a world of labels: bears, cubs, queens, butch, republican, dolphins.  What else would you call someone that is 1,000% like any other heterosexual male, except he likes peen?

If you want to read more by David Artavia's , click on his name to go to a list of his most recent articles.

What do you think?