Jealousy. The green-eyed monster, the tiny scream in your brain when your man likes someone’s selfie, the emotional hangover after seeing your crush laugh a little too hard at someone else’s joke. Straight, bi, or gay — everyone feels it, but science says gay men feel it very differently. And no, it’s not the stars or your chaotic Sagittarius rising — it’s literal research.
A massive study involving more than 4,000 people (yes, thousands, so don’t argue) found that straight men react very differently to infidelity than gay and bisexual men — and the results are so on-brand it’s honestly hilarious.
RELATED: Therapist Says Men Can Have Sex With Men And Still Be Straight
Straight Men: “But Did You Sleep With Him?”
According to the study’s co-author Professor Leif Edvard Ottesen Kennair,
“the most heterosexual men are most jealous of sexual infidelity.”
Translation: straight men panic at the idea of you sleeping with someone else. A wink? A kiss? A full-blown love letter? Whatever. But sex? They malfunction like a Windows 98 computer.
Evolutionary theorists would say it’s because straight men historically worry about “raising someone else’s baby.” Or, as gay Twitter calls it: straight men are terrified of paternity plot twists. This is important to take note for our straight female besties–best to keep knowledge like this in hand, just in case they need it.
Gay & Bi Men: “Okay, But Are You in Love With Him?”
Here’s where it gets juicy.
Gay and bisexual men worry about something entirely different. According to Kennair:
“Bisexual or homosexual men… are most jealous of the feelings their partner might have for someone else.”
Baby, if the study is to be believed, the gays are not worried about him cheating physically — they’re worried about him catching feelings. The emotional affair is the real nightmare. The candlelit dinner? The late-night deep talk? The “good morning” texts? THAT’S the betrayal.
And honestly… relatable.
The Science Behind It: Attraction Spectrum, Not Labels
The researchers didn’t just ask people “Are you gay, straight, or bi?” They used measures of attraction to men (androphilia) and attraction to women (gynephilia). Think of it like a sexuality slider, not a checkbox.
They also emphasize that while biological sex is fixed, sexual orientation and how we express gender isn’t so black-and-white. As Kennair put it:
“There are no clear-cut boundaries… the degree of masculinity and femininity varies greatly from one person to the next.”
Translation: masculinity is not binary — it’s more like a drag show line-up.
The Unique and Mysterious Case of Bisexual Men
This was the study’s big mystery — the plot twist no one saw coming. Bisexual men simply refused to follow the same pattern as straight men. Bendixen basically said, “Surprise!” before dropping this:
“These bisexual men are also more jealous of emotional infidelity and less jealous of sexual infidelity.”
It completely side-eyes the evolutionary logic researchers thought they had figured out.
Kennair admitted: “We still don’t know why this is.” One theory? Jealousy responses may be influenced by how masculinity is expressed — meaning only the most “traditionally masculine” men show that stereotypical sexual-jealousy pattern.
So yes, toxic masculinity strikes again.
Let the Gays Learn a Little Evolutionary Spicy Gossip…
The researchers floated a theory — again, theory, not fact — that this might explain why fewer men identify as bisexual compared to women. More bisexual women = more bi representation, more bisexual men = fewer passing on genes historically. But again, they warn this is speculative.
In the U.S., roughly 6% of women identify as bisexual, compared to 2% of men.
A Quick Blast From the Past
Older research from the 1980s and ’90s painted a different picture. Gay men used to show lower sexual jealousy, less relationship exclusivity, and shorter relationship durations — but that shifted over time, likely due to the AIDS crisis emphasizing monogamy, health, and relationship stability.
Basically, what jealousy looked like in queer communities has evolved — just like everything else.
So… Why Are Gay Men Often Extra Jealous?
Some context from clinical insights: gay relationships often exist within environments where societal validation has historically been weaker. That means insecurity can bubble up faster. Mix that with the “competitive gay bar culture” (gym body + outfit + job + status) and jealousy can get amplified.
But there’s a difference between healthy jealousy — protecting the relationship — and toxic jealousy, which leads to paranoia and control.
Real talk? Talk it out. Set boundaries. Lay your cards on the table — feelings, expectations, and yes, even the messy parts. Set boundaries that actually work for your partnership. Jealousy doesn’t have to be that dramatic queen who crashes the party…
REFERENCE: GAY THERAPY LA, MEDIUM, Bringle, R. G. (1995). Sexual jealousy in the relationships of homosexual and heterosexual men: 1980 and 1992. Personal Relationships, 2, 313–325, Norwegian SciTech News
re: “More bisexual women = more bi representation, more bisexual men = fewer passing on genes historically. … In the U.S., roughly 6% of women identify as bisexual, compared to 2% of men.”
This “logic” doesn’t hold. If “likelihood to procreate” were a strong determinant of sexuality, wouldn’t bi men be far more common than gay men?
My theory – in Gay Culture, sex is a much more casual say of connecting than it is in Straight Culture
* In a Straight Culture relationship, having a full-blown sexual relationship would demonstrate a lot of commitment and planning than romantic one.
* In a Gay Culture relationship, going to a bath house or sex club for erotic release is a lot faster and easier than developing a romantic relationship, which might indicate more commitment and planning.
Some same-gender couples elect “Straight Culture” relationship expectations, and some gender-discordant couples adopt “Gay Culture” relationship expectations.
One of the best parts of being Gay/Queer is writing our own rules!