Pete Buttigieg has always been comfortable challenging expectations, and now he’s turning his attention to one of the most loaded conversations in today’s culture: masculinity.
Speaking with GQ, the first openly gay Cabinet official—and a popular Democratic contender for the 2028 U.S. presidential election—gave a thoughtful (and careful) look at how masculinity is being defined and debated in America right now.
His advice when it comes to navigating conversations with straight, masculine, or even hypermasculine men who resist talking outside their comfort zones? Be patient and listen. It might sound simple, but for Buttigieg, patience is the key to breaking through the rigidity that often surrounds traditional definitions of manhood.
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Buttigieg’s perspective isn’t just political—it’s personal. He recalled his teaching stint at the University of Chicago, where he noticed a troubling generational shift. Maybe it’s the social media landscape, maybe it’s the oppenness (or lack thereof) to conversations on the topic, or maybe it’s everything. Surprisingly, he observed that some younger men are less progressive than older generations.
“There’s clearly been a turning just in the last few years…I think you have a lot of younger men who viewed the things that have changed as going so far that they no longer see where they would fit in a more progressive story,” he told GQ. “To me, that’s a tragedy because I think in many ways young men have a lot to lose, maybe the most to lose from some of the mistakes that are happening right now in our politics and in our government.”
That tension—between old notions of masculinity and newer, more open versions of it—has followed Buttigieg throughout his life. Asked if he feels pressure to act more traditionally masculine, he was candid.
“I had the benefit of strong, good, sensible parents, and really, really good friends that I grew up with who were very comfortable and secure in what kind of men they were becoming and where they wanted to fit in the world. But, yeah, it doesn’t mean I didn’t feel that pressure all the time. I felt it on the political stage, felt it in the military, felt it growing up in Indiana, and it’s always there, right? I think the question is what’s actually true to you?”
For Buttigieg, what shaped him most were his friendships. He spoke warmly about returning from the wedding of a college roommate who was part of a close-knit group of friends. These men, he said, modeled “good guys, so to speak, who were honest and decent and strong and thoughtful.” That kind of community gave him a grounding in what masculinity could look like outside the stereotypes.
He also emphasized the qualities he seeks in male friendships today:
“Honesty, decency, loyalty. And then one thing that I think doesn’t get talked about enough—but is definitely true of all of my close friends, most of whom are guys—is transparency. A level of emotional transparency about what you’re going through and what’s tough, what hurts, where you need help, when you need somebody to be there for you.”
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Buttigieg is careful in choosing his words when he defines what a man should be. For him, masculinity isn’t about rejecting emotion or doubling down on toughness—it’s about honesty, strength, decency, and care for others. “To provide for others in every possible sense, starting with doing what you can to keep others safe, especially when you’re a parent,” he explained.
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In a time when “toxic” and “masculinity” are too often fused together, Buttigieg is offering a reminder that being a man doesn’t have to mean conforming to narrow scripts. It can mean patience, loyalty, transparency, and the courage to show up for the people around you. For someone who has redefined what political leadership can look like, it’s fitting that he’s also trying to redefine what masculinity can mean.
REFERENCE: GQ
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