I made a joke on my social media a couple of days ago that turned into something much deeper than anticipated.
The joke was, “I’m creating a gay soap opera for men who like older guys called All My Daddies.”
The first comment on it read as follows:
“I feel very trapped! I’m old and have gray hairs but don’t pull off the daddy look, and I certainly don’t act like one. So, I don’t get daddy chasers. I do love a sexy daddy myself but I’m too old for the daddies that want younger, prettier models. I’m also no longer a cub and not really a bear! I’m in a gay demographic purgatory!”
Another one rang similar to my friends’ woes:
“There could be the subplot in there about the “daddy” who still sees himself as a cub and still wants men 10 years older than me.”
The idea of men who view themselves as a cub/twink when it comes to the daddies they fantasize about, when society clearly labels them as a daddy too based on age & appearance, is far from anything new in our community.
Is this ultimately a problem though, or something you can ride the wave with the older you get? To me, the stereotypical words like “daddy” and “cub” or even “top” and “bottom” are a tad obsolete at this point. There is no clear indication over who is what, as only you yourself truly know what you identify as and with when it comes to exploring your sexual desires.
I am in the middle, age wise, if stereotypes are put into place regarding how I should identify (cub on one side, daddy on the other). Personally, though, I find myself acting as the daddy in bed when I hook up with guy’s in their 20’s yet tend to go all submissive for older men.
There’s the element of power in one and the complete opposite in the other. I start to wonder if this type of thing will continue into my 40’s and 50’s, when I reach that prime “daddy” look, but still act 10-15 years younger in and out of the bedroom with men who are my age and a bit older.
From my point of view right now, having a younger 20ish mindset when being with men your own age is perfectly fine and fun. If both parties have a mutual understanding, and each person is treated with dignity and respect, then what’s not to like? Go ahead and get yo daddy.
This post was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject.