What Happens When You Look Like a Daddy but Mentally Aren’t One?

I made a joke on my social media a couple of days ago that turned into something much deeper than anticipated.

The joke was, “I’m creating a gay soap opera for men who like older guys called All My Daddies.”

The first comment on it read as follows:

“I feel very trapped! I’m old and have gray hairs but don’t pull off the daddy look, and I certainly don’t act like one. So, I don’t get daddy chasers. I do love a sexy daddy myself but I’m too old for the daddies that want younger, prettier models. I’m also no longer a cub and not really a bear! I’m in a gay demographic purgatory!”

Another one rang similar to my friends’ woes:

“There could be the subplot in there about the “daddy” who still sees himself as a cub and still wants men 10 years older than me.”

The idea of men who view themselves as a cub/twink when it comes to the daddies they fantasize about, when society clearly labels them as a daddy too based on age & appearance, is far from anything new in our community.

Is this ultimately a problem though, or something you can ride the wave with the older you get? To me, the stereotypical words like “daddy” and “cub” or even “top” and “bottom” are a tad obsolete at this point. There is no clear indication over who is what, as only you yourself truly know what you identify as and with when it comes to exploring your sexual desires.

I am in the middle, age wise, if stereotypes are put into place regarding how I should identify (cub on one side, daddy on the other). Personally, though, I find myself acting as the daddy in bed when I hook up with guy’s in their 20’s yet tend to go all submissive for older men.

There’s the element of power in one and the complete opposite in the other. I start to wonder if this type of thing will continue into my 40’s and 50’s, when I reach that prime “daddy” look, but still act 10-15 years younger in and out of the bedroom with men who are my age and a bit older.

From my point of view right now, having a younger 20ish mindset when being with men your own age is perfectly fine and fun. If both parties have a mutual understanding, and each person is treated with dignity and respect, then what’s not to like? Go ahead and get yo daddy.

This post was created by one of our Contributing Writers and does not reflect the opinion of Instinct Magazine or the other Contributing Writers when it comes to this subject.

4 thoughts on “What Happens When You Look Like a Daddy but Mentally Aren’t One?”

  1. OK, all my existence I have

    OK, all my existence I have been attracted to guys in their late teens through early thirties. Expressly if they are in good shape. Was great when I was in that age range and a few years past. After that, I learned that I did not have the financial means to be attractive to that age group. Almost everyone wanted me to support them. I expected an equal financial standing, with the understanding that their job might not pay as well as mine did, but they should at least try to have a job. Here I am not fast approaching my 60's, and about to give up hope, Everyone wants to my friend on the computer, but no one (even the ones in the same town/area) wants to actually meet and see if we actually like each other without electronics between us.

    • My hearts bleeds. Grow up. No

      My hearts bleeds. Grow up. No matter what age you get with someone they will eventually age and look different so you either spend the rest of your life chasing the impossible or you act your age and find someone who you might actually like for who they are rather than just how aesthetically pleasing they may be at this point in time! 

      • You seem to purposefully want

        You seem to purposefully want to miss the point, that no one wants to get off their electronics to actually meet. So how can one find someone who is compatible when I do not drink, so bars are not the answer. I more than realize that time changes individuals both inside and outside. I do not throw individuals out of my life/bed because they grow older. Though you seem to think we just bed anyone just to not be alone, sorry I do not work that way either.

  2. While tribalism can be fun,

    While tribalism can be fun, we should also be encouraging each other to stop "branding" each other by narrow appearance-based stereotypes… It's a little juvenile to reduce a person to their attributes and to deny them the full range of their personhood.


    Why should I behave a certain way based on my body type, occupation or age? But, I guess in the age of Grinder, a simple stereotype is what many of us are looking for to "scratch that itch".


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