As we are only two days away from 2018, one question I have regarding heterosexual men still plagues me to this day: why in the hell are you still so uncomfortable around gay men? Seriously.
Now, I know there are still several parts of this country and world where homosexuality is still very taboo, but for the parts that are lucky enough to be able to integrate on both the hetero and homosexual side like myself, it's something that has become very frustrating given how far we have come in terms of acceptance and also awareness in and out of the media world.
This question presented itself yesterday, when I met up with my best girlfriend who all of a sudden sprung on me that we were going to meet her new boyfriend. Let's call him Bill, for name's sake. I had heard a lot of great things about him up to that point, so even though I wasn't expecting on meeting him, I was excited nonetheless as I knew how much he meant to her.
After introducing himself to me, we sat down at the table with one another where the first thing out of his mouth was "So how long have you been gay?" I laughed it off, as I have gotten these questions before from heterosexual men for whatever reason possible, so of course my response was "my entire life." I said that not to even be funny, but more factual and to the point, as I came out years ago and didn't feel the need to talk about it all over again as it's really a non-factor at this point.
He then went on to discuss how much he knows about the LGBTQ community, his support for it and whatnot, which is appreciated but at the same time can feel super forced or that you are just trying to relate. It's a good thing, of course, but here's what it boils down to, straighties:
WE ARE ALL THE SAME. The only difference is that I like a bulge, and you don't. Case and point. Doesn't mean our entire conversation has to revolve around awkward talk regarding what gay artist I like the most and is Cher or Madonna fiercer (seriously, I've gotten that before.)
I find that I'm a pretty easy person to talk to, however in this same conversation, I had a hard time navigating the wheel back to normalcy as he kept going on about how he would go to gay bars back in the day because he felt secure in his masculinity. Cool! Neato! Great! Let's change the subject. We can talk about anything, ANYTHING, but the whole conversation shouldn't revolve around that so you feel comfortable which makes me uneasy and feeling super weird.
It goes beyond trying to have a conversation with a straight guy to an extent, as I have dealt with several boyfriend's of my girlfriends who actually think I'm lying about being gay in order to get with their ladies. GIRL.
My best friend up in New England had this experience, where her boyfriend didn't think I was gay at all and was trying to get in her pants. To lighten up the mood and make him laugh (hopefully), I said to him "I'm gay. I don't want your girlfriend at all, matter of fact, I would go for you first." She laughed, he laughed (nervously), but it got the point across that your paranoia about your girlfriend's best gay is just that and I, like many others, have no ulterior motive.
Similarly, there are also men who don't seem to get that when you are on a train and staring off into space, that we aren't necessarily staring at you. I had a situation once where I was on a subway, staring into space, and a guy said "Stop staring at my girl." I clearly wasn't, but to make the situation so much better, I said "I was actually looking at how handsome you are, bro." His girlfriend laughed and said, "I know, right?" so at least her humor was in tact. He felt like a moron and got off at the next stop.
So to repeat to my straight bro brethren: relax. We aren't here to try to fuck you (unless initiated), we aren't trying to steal your girlfriends, and while talking about Britney vs. Christina is a fun way to relate, there's so much more in this world to talk about.
I’ll be as honest as I can be. I’m heterosexual and I have the same question. Not just about others, about me too. I found this post searching for “what makes homosexuality uncomfortable?” I’m genuinely interested in understanding the answer. And it’s one answer nobody gives to you straight. Homosexuals will say “Why are you uncomfortable? I don’t get it?” Heterosexuals will fall into two camps. Either they think its some mental disorder and criticize it, or they will pretend they are completely comfortable with it. (key word being pretend) What you never seem to find is anybody being straight up honest and say “It makes me uncomfortable” And you know what? That seems to be more taboo than homosexuality once was. Yet, I bet you 90 percent of the people are merely hiding that they are uncomfortable about it. So for me as a heterosexual male trying to understand why i am uncomfortable with homosexuality, where do i find answers? I don’t even think the question is “Why I am uncomfortable with homosexuality?” I think the real question is “why are MOST heterosexuals uncomfortable with homosexuality?” I truly believe this is the reality but nobody is asking that question because nobody wants to admit they are uncomfortable with homosexuality so nobody explores the reasons. I want to say the reasons are cultural. i remember in grade one, first day of school big kids picking on me and asking if I was gay and i didn’t even know what gay meant. But it certainly didn’t take long to learn it as a negative thing. It was the like the worst thing you could call someone, and so not wanting to be the worst thing among your peers is certainly not a comfortable thing. That’s probably the core discomfort. Fear of persecution. But then again, maybe it goes deeper. Maybe there are reasons that is uncomfortable that as a species we haven’t even figured out yet. But as long as no one is admitting the discomfort is real. we probably won’t figure it out.
But as someone who is homosexual and comes from a persecuted demographic yourself, why aren’t you empathic with heterosexuals about that? You know what I always wondered? How did homophobia turn into a persecuted class itself? They make it almost synonymous with a gaybasher. Why is having a phobia not human? Surely you know the phobia is real. I get what you are saying about the fakeness that makes your eyes roll, but like i say, i have the same question. Why are we heterosexuals uncomfortable with it? Psychological? Biological? Cultural? Why is everyone pretending they are comfortable with it when they are not? And is there really anything wrong with simply being uncomfortable with it? Nobody wants to be uncomfortable. But if no one is honest about the problem, or accepts it as a truth about themselves, then how is anyone as a culture supposed to figure it out and evolve?
I imagine it’s the same reason gay guys and women feel uncomfortable areound masculine men they don’t know…. Uncertainty.
It’s so frustrating, you know! Like this morning as I was walking to the supermarket 100 metres away from my home, so busy, the streets. But somehow these guys within earshot just had all the time to debate whether I’m gay or straight. Like, really now? I do not even know how you look, didn’t even bother to check where your voices are coming from, so what’s with the hype and excitement, lost shirts? Like, pooh. Winnie The Pooh. Gay men are not as obsessed with you as you are with them.
These guys could be in the closet, and it’s the only way some of them get to talk about it amd work out if their peers are safe.
Because homosexuality is
Because homosexuality is unnatural.
There’s no such thing as being 100% lol
But it occurs in nature
So it’s natural
Oh Liza, bless your natural soul.
It amazes me that it’s ok for
It amazes me that it's ok for women suck cock and take it up the ass, But not for men? They the exact same acts!
Pooh. Know what I think? Straight men really can’t step up to the occasion. I’ve realized they are more comfortable with the “top” me more than they are with the “bottom”. So, your being there reminds them there are some things they can’t do. But sadly, gay people also have types and you being this nervous… Let’s just say it kills whatever little attraction there was. If ever there was any. Lol!