I believe it would have been much easier to come out at an earlier age if I had some good gay friends in my youth. It's not a ground breaking statement, but it is a thought I often have.
Before jumping into the rainbow waters of being an out and proud homosexual, I often battled with the question if this "lifestyle" was the one for me. Of course you don't choose to be gay or bi or transgender or … but you can choose to be dishonest with yourself and live the life that is expected.
In high school there was really only one gay guy that we all knew of. He wasn't a close friend, more so just a classmate. There were no ill feelings toward him, and even though we had known each other since kindergarten, we just didn't click as great friends or even good friends. In high school, before, during and after he came out, he was a little bit of a social outcast. But my little mind equated to him being gay as to why he was an outcast. This thought kept me in my pubescent closet for I didn't want to be a fellow social outcast.
Come to think of it, I don't think I really had a lot of close friends growing up, maybe that was because I was letting this secret put somewhat of a wedge between myself and others, making me keep my distance and not get too close to people for they may find out I was, you know, the gay.
That's what came to mind when I watched the short video "TOTAL DESTRUCCION" from Alexan Films that we wanted to share with you. We chatted with the writer, director, and producer Alexan Kevork Sarikamichian about his short film. He had this synopsis:
Lifelong friends, from the neighborhood or maybe friends who just met by chance. Real moments from regular guys. They feel small regarding their environment until they increasingly become the main protagonists of their own stories.
Youth in the golden age, with looks and casual moments, stripped clothes, tattoos and freshness, they take you to infinity and destruction in a fleeting moment. This is where they must confront freedom, individualism, loneliness or confidence in each other.
It was filmed in Villa Epecuen, Buenos Aires, Argentina. It’s a village in ruins caused by the rising of a lake. When the water receded, it left the place in a state of total destruction.
Watching TOTAL DESTRUCCION made me think, oh, to be young again. But then again, if I had the choice of timeframe, would I want to be young again back in the '80s and early '90s or to be young again now?
Curious about the actors, I did ask Alexan if the boys were gay (and of age) or if they were playing gay characters in the film. He stated they were not gay (but are of age, 18+) and were just portraying friends. He also added in Spanish that they were nice to look at. Well, we do agree with that line of thinking.
Getting back to growing up gay with no gay friends and in the closet. Wow, that sounds like a shitty life. It wasn't really. I was friends with just about everyone, but didn't have that perfect friendship, had a girlfriend to keep up appearances, and didn't stay too long in the locker rooms. As I look back on everything, there is a little bit of remorse. Some of that remorse flows around two of my former schoolmates.
I remember one fellow student that rode my school bus "passed away unexpectedly at home." When that is written in someone's obituary with no more elaboration, it usually means there was a suicide. Now, you cannot take that statement to the bank, but it's very common. And there were thoughts about why his death occurred. I'll let you connect the dots.
The other schoolmate was one of my better friends throughout elementary and middle schools, but we grew apart a little in high school since we went different academic routes. We lost touch after graduation, but now in our adult years, we've become Facebook friends. Viewing his posts, I'm seeing oodles of signs that are point toward him being gay, but not out.
I often wonder if I had been out when we were all kids, how much different would things have been? Would one still be alive? Would I have a closer friendship with that distant friend? Would there have been more?
I know we aren't supposed to say I should have done this or we must do that for if we do, we would be shoulding and mustabating all over the place.
Thanks Alexan for getting my wheels turning. As I finish this post up and get ready to go out with friends (yes, I have them), I wanted to say bravo to the kids that are coming out at a young age. Life is short. Live your life to the fullest. Make friends, both LGBT and not.
Do you regret not coming out earlier?
Do you think life would have been better?
Do you think different friendships would have been made?
Or are you on the other side of the coin?
Are you still friends with a gay friend you made when you were young and in elementary, middle, or high school?
h/t: http://alexan.com.ar
https://www.facebook.com/Alexanfilms
Title: TOTAL DESTRUCCION
Written, Directed and Produced by: Alexan Kevork Sarikamichian
Starring: Nicolás Miele ,Thomas Ditzend, Santiago Tomas y Franco Mosqueiras
Produced by: Alexan Films
DOP: Sebastian Ferrari
Art Director: Alexan Sarikamichian
Stylist Producer: Maria Flor Mendez
Editor: Daniela Benedetti
Color grade: Andrés Medina
Production assistant: Bruno Bruzzo
Soundtrack "Doubts" por Pablo Neptuno
https://pabloneptuno.bandcamp.com/
Thanks: Esteban Depetris
Creative Directed and Produced by Alexan Films
I’ve never even considered
I've never even considered this issue before. Thanks for ruining the rest of my life.