A Father Opens Up In ‘The Day I Bought My Son A Dress.’

In a society where we have people too shy to buy condoms, males too weirded out to buy tampons, and just now I saw a service that would ship customers Depends through the mail in discrete packaging, imagine being challenged with what this father experienced.  Posted by Talon Windwalker, the following excerpt is from his blog entry entitled, "The Day I Bought My Son a Dress."

I can’t say it wasn’t totally unexpected. About 1-2 years ago, Tigger informed me he was transgender. We discussed it, what that term meant, etc., and we I decided (hoped?) it was just a vocabulary mistake.

Nothing was said again, so I left it alone. We discuss gender issues from time to time as they are a big part of current events. We discussed this when he was a little boy, too. “Pink is for girls!” he proclaimed once. I used that as a teaching moment to address that colors and toys (at least for children) don’t have genitalia, therefore there is no such thing as a girl color or a boy’s toy, etc.

As we prepared to leave Mexico this last time, we did some shopping. He informed me: “Don’t be surprised when I go looking in the women’s department. I want to see if women’s clothes are more comfortable.” I remember my instant mental reaction, how my heart seemingly skipped a beat, and how my mouth went dry.

I was raised in a culture very different from today’s. Yes, blue was for boys and pink for girls. Boys didn’t play with dolls, and only “tomboy” girls would dare play with a toy truck. Any male who wore a dress for anything except Halloween or a theater performance was a “faggot.” Boys and men didn’t cry.

I’ve worked hard to reprogram that cultural learning because I despised it and flat out didn’t agree with some of it. I was determined I would raise a son who believed that crying was okay, that a guy can wear pink, and that there’s nothing wrong with a teenage boy wanting a My Little Pony plush toy. When he openly declared he was a Brony, I felt a sense of accomplishment.

Having worked with transgender and gender neutral teens before, I have learned how incredibly difficult their life can be. I’ve been watching I Am Cait and have been left speechless at some of the experiences of these trans women and just how many of them get killed (one every 29 hours).

It is this knowledge that caused my reaction, not that he was interested in wearing “incorrect” clothing for his gender.

I actually kind of admire people who thumb their nose at society-declared gender norms. I’m quite fond of this quote from gender-nonconforming Jaden Smith: “I don’t see man clothes and woman clothes, I just see scared people and comfortable people.” [emphasis mine]

So we went clothes shopping. He chose a pair of women’s pants and a blouse I pointed out for its funny saying. I held my breath when he showed up at the fitting room. “Are these for you?”

What happens at the changing room counter? 

How would dad address purple nail polish?

What other changes would Talon notice about Tigger?

For more of this story, head on over to 1dad1kid.com for the continuation of this father and child experience.  From Talon's "about us" page we read, "I 'world school' Tigger, teach languages, write, do photography, teach scuba, and do other online work along the way."  From the rest of "The Day I Bought My Son a Dress," it may be Tigger that is educating Talon.

Best of luck Talon and Tigger in this brave new world you are experiencing.

We left the store, and I watched him from the corner of my eye. Tigger is his nickname because he doesn’t walk. He skips, hops, runs, and bounces. Most of it stems from his anxiety issues. This time there was no bouncing. He walked with the dress firmly clutched to his chest like a prized possession.