Why Are Gay Men Discriminating Against Straight Women In Gay Bars?
This post is inspired by an Out Magazine article titled “Dear Gay Men, Stop Telling Women They Can’t Be In Gay Bars” and the subsequent comment section that has scared my soul.
I would be lying if I said there are not a plethora of heterosexual females that have shaped my personality and life. Ranging from my mother, former bosses, best friends, and inspirational celebrities; women have been the most generous, thoughtful, and encouraging beings I have ever came across. I always had a connection with women. I always wanted feminine representation in my life. If I was playing a video game, you bet I’d be the kick-ass girl! I love and admire each of the hardworking ladies in my life. Don’t we all?
The conversation I’m about to touch on has been tossed in our community constantly: Are gay men discriminating against straight women… in gay bars? As gay men, are we shoving our “privilege” in our heterosexual, cisgender allies faces? Actress and Filmmaker of Ruth, Rose McGowan, had choice words for the gay community via Huffington Post:
“What I want is for gay rights activists to help other disenfranchised groups. These activists are experts while so many other groups flounder. It’s time to share the wealth and knowledge. I may have said it inelegantly, and made a dumb generalization, for which I apologize. Gay men certainly aren’t MORE misogynistic than heteros, but I’ve met some that have come damn close. In some ways it’s more damaging, because it’s coming from supposedly enlightened people. I do expect more from a group of people that understands discrimination. The LGBT community absolutely needs to combat the misogyny in their midst. I’ve lived and breathed gay rights for as long as I can remember. I’ve seen so much change and now I want more. Women, myself included, have given blood, sweat and tears to the gay rights movement. I’m asking for help in return. Casual and accepted misogyny no longer works for me and it shouldn’t work for you.”
You may light your torches and come for me, but I stand behind McGowan’s blunt statement and here’s why! Are we really turning the tables on our allies to discriminate? I know many gay gentlemen who are unwelcoming of women at “their” bars. I’ve seen it in person. I frequent gay bars with my girlfriends just as often as I go to “their” bars. A pressing issue appears to always lead to one excuse: Bachelorette parties. Is it that troublesome to have a Bachelorette party in a gay bar that you must ban them and their money from supporting the community? The only reason I don’t want to see any Bachelorette parties in bars is because of the lack of creativity. Come on, it’s 2017. There’s a Groupon for something more memorable. But, come on, Bachelorette parties is the driving force of this argument. Should we just scrap the last five decades and go back to segregation? Is that what some of you are asking for?
The following comments were listed in the Out article above, today! I witnessed gay men calling women in gay bars, “cock blocks”, complaining they are “(sleeping) with straight men on dance floors because it’s more acceptable in a gay bar”, and claim them to be “disrespectful and rapey”.
Yikes! I’m certain if anyone would choose to go home with someone, that will happen, regardless of who is around him. Additionally, when is it ever acceptable to have sex on a dance floor? I must be living in an alternate reality, because I have not once seen disrespectful, heterosexual women in a gay bar. It sounds to me that the popular girls in high school didn’t give some gay men the attention they’ve desired and now the gays are revolting years later. Let – It – Go!
Can we please stop discriminating against our allies? As gay men, we have to give a round of applause to the amazing heterosexual women who have stood next to us in the fight for equality. They didn't give up on us and we shouldn't give up on them.
We have a President who is setting aside Transgender issues, gays getting tortured in Chechnya, internalized homophobia, and still a rapid growing number of homophobes come out each day. Together, we’re stronger. How can you not realize that?
Editor's Note: This is strictly the opinion of one Instinct contributor.
Not anti-woman, but they let their guard down and do not exercise caution. They drink too much and get followed into the bathrooms by hetero prowling men. Then blame gay men for them getting raped in a gay bar.
Best to institute a 1-to-1 ratio of gay man to woman. No hen parties.
I go to gay bars b/c they are
I go to gay bars b/c they are the one place in my city to hang with other gay people(I live in a small city w/ one gay bar). We have no gay nabe or official gay community center. This is it. Straight chicks have started to take over and now are at least 60% of the patrons there. They have EVERY OTHER F-ING BAR IN THE CITY to go to!! We have one! I live in a heteronormative world and work w/ straight men and women all week long. I want one night to be away from that. A lot of the females at the bar are there for the novelty factor. They dont give an S* about the community and many are Trump supporters
They have every other bar to
They have every other bar to go to. I'm sympathetic that straight men are terrible, but the solution is to combat sexism in straight spaces, not give up the few insular spaces we have to exist freely in.
We go to bars to be with each other and to get away from cishet people, and women or not, they are still an enfranchised part of the dominant heterosexist group.
I’m not a bar person, period.
I'm not a bar person, period. I don't drink and the only reason I am invited to bars is to be the designated driver. Give me a coffee shop or restaurant any day. The only time I do go to a gay bar is about once a year for a friend's birthday celebration. If I were into bars, I'm not sure I would want my female friends with me at a gay bar because I want to be with gay men. It is not discrimination and certainly not due to privilege. Privilege is becoming far too overused, so much so it is losing its meaning.
I use to HATE “Sex in the
I use to HATE "Sex in the City." My gay friends often tried to relate themselves to the female leads. That was the problem; gay men feeling so disconnected from he stereotypical "male persona" that we, by default, began relating to women. I mean we're both attracted to men, right? What's the problem? We didn't know any better then. Women are our allies….. sometimes. Sometimes they would comfort us but still side with homophobic husband and boyfriends. Sometimes we would be their best friends but only when it was convenient and didn't interfere with their socially acceptable relationships. If fairness, I support women's rights, I go to meetings, I march with them in parades, but I'm a minority because few men go. I get we all should support each other. But look at what women do; they have all female clubs and gyms. They empower each other by uniting without men, gay or otherwise. Don't gay men deserve the same? Should we impose ourselves on their female groups? Should we demand on their OPEN support of gay rights? Because I promise, when push comes to shove, women will always choose their straight cisgender life over the gay bff.
THE WOMAN WHO WROTE THE
Of course straight women in a cruise bar for men are cock blockers because they spoil the atmosphere.
If it's happy hour after work or Sunday brunch or something that just plain social that's different.
As for gay men being responsible to help every other oppressed group. Sure we should be on the side of everybody who's depressed but we're also fighting our own fight, some of us every single day. I am sick to death other people telling me who we should support.