Why Are Gay Men Discriminating Against Straight Women In Gay Bars?
This post is inspired by an Out Magazine article titled “Dear Gay Men, Stop Telling Women They Can’t Be In Gay Bars” and the subsequent comment section that has scared my soul.
I would be lying if I said there are not a plethora of heterosexual females that have shaped my personality and life. Ranging from my mother, former bosses, best friends, and inspirational celebrities; women have been the most generous, thoughtful, and encouraging beings I have ever came across. I always had a connection with women. I always wanted feminine representation in my life. If I was playing a video game, you bet I’d be the kick-ass girl! I love and admire each of the hardworking ladies in my life. Don’t we all?
The conversation I’m about to touch on has been tossed in our community constantly: Are gay men discriminating against straight women… in gay bars? As gay men, are we shoving our “privilege” in our heterosexual, cisgender allies faces? Actress and Filmmaker of Ruth, Rose McGowan, had choice words for the gay community via Huffington Post:
“What I want is for gay rights activists to help other disenfranchised groups. These activists are experts while so many other groups flounder. It’s time to share the wealth and knowledge. I may have said it inelegantly, and made a dumb generalization, for which I apologize. Gay men certainly aren’t MORE misogynistic than heteros, but I’ve met some that have come damn close. In some ways it’s more damaging, because it’s coming from supposedly enlightened people. I do expect more from a group of people that understands discrimination. The LGBT community absolutely needs to combat the misogyny in their midst. I’ve lived and breathed gay rights for as long as I can remember. I’ve seen so much change and now I want more. Women, myself included, have given blood, sweat and tears to the gay rights movement. I’m asking for help in return. Casual and accepted misogyny no longer works for me and it shouldn’t work for you.”
You may light your torches and come for me, but I stand behind McGowan’s blunt statement and here’s why! Are we really turning the tables on our allies to discriminate? I know many gay gentlemen who are unwelcoming of women at “their” bars. I’ve seen it in person. I frequent gay bars with my girlfriends just as often as I go to “their” bars. A pressing issue appears to always lead to one excuse: Bachelorette parties. Is it that troublesome to have a Bachelorette party in a gay bar that you must ban them and their money from supporting the community? The only reason I don’t want to see any Bachelorette parties in bars is because of the lack of creativity. Come on, it’s 2017. There’s a Groupon for something more memorable. But, come on, Bachelorette parties is the driving force of this argument. Should we just scrap the last five decades and go back to segregation? Is that what some of you are asking for?
The following comments were listed in the Out article above, today! I witnessed gay men calling women in gay bars, “cock blocks”, complaining they are “(sleeping) with straight men on dance floors because it’s more acceptable in a gay bar”, and claim them to be “disrespectful and rapey”.
Yikes! I’m certain if anyone would choose to go home with someone, that will happen, regardless of who is around him. Additionally, when is it ever acceptable to have sex on a dance floor? I must be living in an alternate reality, because I have not once seen disrespectful, heterosexual women in a gay bar. It sounds to me that the popular girls in high school didn’t give some gay men the attention they’ve desired and now the gays are revolting years later. Let – It – Go!
Can we please stop discriminating against our allies? As gay men, we have to give a round of applause to the amazing heterosexual women who have stood next to us in the fight for equality. They didn't give up on us and we shouldn't give up on them.
We have a President who is setting aside Transgender issues, gays getting tortured in Chechnya, internalized homophobia, and still a rapid growing number of homophobes come out each day. Together, we’re stronger. How can you not realize that?
Editor's Note: This is strictly the opinion of one Instinct contributor.