When Calvin Harris said he had a new blessing to share, no one expected it to involve quite so much… cock.
The 41-year-old Scottish dance icon took to Instagram over the weekend to announce the release of his latest single, “Blessings” featuring Clementine Douglas — but let’s be honest, the real blessing was the shirtless pic he posted alongside the news. Standing tall (all 6’5” of him) and smirking like he knew exactly what he was doing, Harris held a rather plump, feathery cock right at chest height. Subtle? Absolutely not. Effective? Let’s just say Instagram’s thirst index spiked immediately.
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Once known as a geeky, pale-skinned bedroom DJ with questionable sunglasses and synth-pop dreams, Harris has since transformed into a full-blown Greek god. With a jawline that could cut glass and abs that look custom-sculpted, it’s clear that fame — and a brutal fitness regime — have treated him very well.
Of course, Harris isn’t new to going viral for his glow-up. From his early hits like I Created Disco to smash bangers like “Sweet Nothing” (with Florence Welch) and “This Is What You Came For” (with Rihanna), the producer has had our ears for over a decade. But now he has our eyes, our attention, and our… well, you get it.
In a world full of overproduced thirst traps, Calvin’s bucolic beefcake energy — shirtless in the woods, cradling cock with care — feels downright wholesome. Like a gay pastoral fantasy. “Call Me by Your Farm Name,” if you will.
One thing’s for sure: the music slaps, but the photo? It crows. Loudly.
“Blessings” is out now. So is our thirst.
Quite the GLOW-UP/ Oh and nice cock too