Trigger Warning: Suicide
Celebrity hairstylist and author Chris Appleton recently spoke with striking honesty about that reality, opening up about a time when fear, shame, and love for his children collided in devastating ways. For many LGBTQ+ parents, coming out doesn’t just feel personal—it can feel like it carries the weight of an entire family.
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Appleton, 42, has built a dazzling career styling some of the world’s most recognizable faces. But behind the red carpets and professional success was a quieter, much heavier struggle: accepting himself as a gay man while raising two young children.
In conversations on podcasts over the past year, Appleton has shared that there was a period when he truly believed his children might be better off without him—rather than with a gay father. It’s a confession that’s painful to hear, but one that resonates deeply with many queer parents who grew up internalizing messages that who they are could somehow harm the people they love most.
A Life Built Before Self-Realization
Before coming out, Chris spent a decade in a relationship with his children’s mother, Kate. Together, they raised their son Billy and daughter Kitty-Blu. At the time, Appleton hadn’t fully recognized his sexuality, and by his own account, same-sex attraction wasn’t something he consciously experienced growing up.
That began to change during a work trip for a hair show, when an unexpected moment sparked questions he couldn’t ignore. At first, he brushed it off, tried to return to the life he knew, and hoped the feelings would disappear. They didn’t.
Eventually, Appleton came to the difficult realization that he was gay—and that realization brought with it an overwhelming sense of guilt, particularly as a father.
Carrying the Weight of Childhood Trauma
Speaking on Olivia’s House with Olivia Attwood, Appleton described how his own experiences of bullying as a child shaped his fears for his kids. He worried that by coming out, he was somehow passing that pain on to them.
Like many parents, his instinct was to protect. But instead of seeing his honesty as protection, he saw himself as the source of potential harm. He has said that, at his lowest point, he viewed his sexuality as something dangerous—something that could “infect” his family with suffering.
Those thoughts led him to a devastating conclusion: that his children might be spared pain if he simply wasn’t there.
The Darkest Night—and the Person Who Saved Him
After telling his children the truth, Appleton reached an emotional breaking point. He checked into a hotel, overwhelmed by shame and convinced that disappearing from their lives would be an act of love.
It was Kate—now his closest friend—who intervened. Appleton has openly credited her with saving his life that night. Her presence became a turning point, one that forced him to confront a painful truth: he could not erase who he was, and trying to do so was destroying him.
That moment didn’t magically fix everything. But it stopped him from moving forward with irreversible harm—and it opened the door to healing.
Choosing Life, One Honest Step at a Time
Appleton later revisited this period on On Purpose, hosted by Jay Shetty. There, he reflected on how accepting that he could not change his sexuality ultimately saved his life.
He came to understand that self-rejection wasn’t protecting his children—it was robbing them of a present, loving father. Staying alive, staying honest, and staying engaged in their lives was the real act of love.
Today, that choice is visible in the life he leads. His daughter Kitty-Blu frequently joins him at red carpet events and has built her own following online, while his son Billy keeps a quieter profile but remains clearly close to his dad. Appleton often shares moments of pride and affection, showing a family that didn’t break—it adapted.
Love, Success, and Moving Forward
Since embracing his truth, Appleton has also found happiness in his personal life, including a brief, high-profile marriage to actor Lukas Gage. While that chapter has ended, Appleton continues to speak with clarity about how far he’s come—from a man drowning in shame to someone who understands that his existence is not a burden.
His story matters because it challenges a lie many LGBTQ+ parents still carry: that their identity is something their children must survive rather than celebrate.
If You Are Struggling, You Are Not Alone
Appleton’s journey is a reminder that even the darkest thoughts can shift—and that asking for help can be lifesaving.
In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, available 24/7. LGBTQ+ youth can contact The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386. International helplines are available through local crisis services worldwide.
Chris Appleton is still here—not despite being gay, but because he finally stopped fighting himself. And for many reading his story, that hope may be exactly what’s needed.