When I was younger, I fought the idea of being gay, most of us did. Since it was such a social no-no, and it didn't come with a promise of roses and unicorns and yellow brick roads for my future, I didn't want to be gay. And the thought of anal sex was like "what am I signing up for? If I find sex with women parts repulsive, why would I swap over to anal with a man?" Talking with many gay men, young and old, throughout my life, many said they remember thinking butt play was a totally disgusting thought, giving or receiving, but this belief was just a phase. We all would find our position in life and in the bedroom eventually. Some of us find immense pleasure in and only sleep on the bottom bunk, some only on the top, and some that like sleepovers on any bunk that might be available.
But there are some of us that still feel butt play of any kind is just not for them. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. There's nothing wrong with ANY of that at all. Unless you're a g0y.
Many men long for the gentle closeness of the intense friendships of their youth, but feel ashamed because they've been told that 'such intimacy with other guys is "gay".' G0YS: Reclaiming M2M Intimacy; -Denouncing gAy decadence! – PhiRhoTau
And here I was a fan of decadence, especially if it is in New Orleans during Labor Day weekend. But then I looked up decadence –
moral or cultural decline as characterized by excessive indulgence in pleasure or luxury. – Google dictionary
Blessed with above-average looks & an alpha personality, I've had a the opportunity to experience first hand what so many men won't admit happens among themselves & other guys. Since becoming sexually mature, I've realized that I bonded emotionally with other guys & I enjoy the physical aspect of close relationships. I'm attracted to an honest, masculine personality. "Effeminate men" are a turn off — no matter how good they look (If I wanted a girlie, I'd date one). Associating with athletes regularly, -I was always around "tough guys", & in the mind of most of my peers, — I was one as well. My experiences with so-called "straight guys" (who turned out to be "g0y") are fairly numerous, & started early on. Unlike the 'gay culture' (portrayed in the media as all about "painted nails" & the next piece of tail), — my private, physical relationships with my buds was never considered "casual"; –& the level of friendship's bonds remains the deepest & most intimate even till this day. – www.g0ys.org
I don't mind men being confident in who they are, but when they proclaim 'blessed with above-average looks & an alpha personality' as this g0y did, yeah, he just became a big zero. I am sure we've all been on a date before with someone you've been eyeing for a while, wanted to spend some time with, and then they talk like this one? If only there was a delete button we could carry with us in public and have it work.
Another statement from their website reads:
G0YS are among the healthiest men of any demographic on the planet, & sexually transmitted diseases are a virtual non-issue. How can this be? G0YS, by our very nature, reject ALL anal-fetish related acts! And, we strongly discourage physical intimacy with others who reject our mindset. – www.g0ys.org
Once again, I am all for you knowing what goes in and what comes out where, but is this bottom shaming to the extreme? This seems to be one of the issues addressed when Nurse Jackie Star Haaz Sleiman Comes Out As Gay And A Total Bottom. There is a stigma that some people hold against bottoms in our community. Apparently there's a whole sub section of self-defined pretty alpha males that feel they are better then the rest of the gay community and they have a group.
But if they hate what the word gay has come to represent, why would they still use the g and the y and put a big zero in it? I guess it is in place of the 'A' for ass or anal, Zero anal in their group?
All I can say is good for you. You know you don't like any type of anal or the idea of it. The g0y group tries to back up their belief and their 'mental trait' by saying it lowers their risk of perilous sexually transmitted diseases vs. the men who call themselves "gay!"
I am sure these beautifully blessed and above average men are smart enough to realize that STDs can be passed without and don't need anal penetration but are also passed by bumping, grinding, oral, and the exchange of fluids. But then again, they chose a zero to be in their group's name.
So they're not gay, but g0y. What else do they call themselves?
G0YS tend to be libertarian or anarchist, pro-life, soberly-minded, culturally rounded, analytical, logical, alpha-personalities & intellectually – above average. And that's a great group of men to identify with.
What other names do we want to associate with this group? No, it's not nice to put labels on people, but the words that came to mind when I talked about this with others were homophobes, children, internalized homophobia, bi-deniers, and elitists.
To be honest, I am still not a fan of anal sex and experience it maybe once a year. It's not for me and especially not for me outside of a relationship. But I respect others in our LGBT community that have found their own ways, positions, which bunk(s) if any, found the pleasure they need, and the happiness we all deserve.
If this group doesn't want to be associated with the gays, are they still LGBTQ? If they are not wanting to respect all the colors of are spectrum, are they part of our family?
The opinions expressed here by Instinctmagazine.com columnists are their own, not those of Instinctmagazine.com.
12 thoughts on “G0YS Embrace the ‘Bro-Mance’ But Not Everything That Comes With The G-A-Y Name.”
They are self demeaning people. We have long been the victims of self hate.
Dick is meant for penetration and without it I couldn’t reach orgasm. Safety measures should be followed in order to be protected. This includes lubricants, condoms and PrEp.
I identify as SSA also and have never experienced being a “top” or “bottom”and really have no desire to cross that line. I think being able to be physical and close with a buddy is much better. My closest friend Mark just passed away in March from a brain tumor he had for nearly 20 years that turned cancerous in the last 2 years of his life.
We always greeted each other with a hug and told each other we loved one another. Thank God he went to be with the Lord. Mark was straight but he wasn’t afraid to be close.
I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist so I don’t know if it was lack of affection for my father or just a desire to belong. I thank my Lord that I did not go into a lifestyle that could have given me HIV or some other venereal disease.
Suicide rate among gays is much higher than it is among the general population and I believe it is because of the taboo of anal sex. I’ve heard people say you want affection that’s what women are for.
I like women a lot but I’m just not emotionally or physically desirous of them… I finally admitted to myself this is how I am and I can’t change it and I’ve begged God to change me.
I know what my Lord has done for me for breaking me free from alcoholism 12 years ago and drug addiction. At least now I don’t have to drown my queerdom through booze and drugs.
It’s a hard battle but worth it in the long run. My rest is in Jesus and I know that he loves me and died for my sins and he was buried and God raised him again on the third day..1 Corinthians 15.
Without hope Brothers there is no point to this life.
Gotta jump in and say something:
“Apparently there’s a whole sub section of self-defined pretty alpha males that feel they are better then the rest of the gay community and they have a group.”
I’d like to suggest you may misunderstand the mind of a g0y dude (which I in most ways would say I am). I certainly don’t think I’m any better than anyone else. You say we think we are “better than the rest of the gay community”; the truth is we DON’T consider ourselves gay or part of the gay community at all. We don’t want to be a part of this community. Largely we see an “anything goes” or “you must tolerate anything and everything” mentality present. G0ys value masculinity, and we are mutually encouraging of each others masculinity. Personally I don’t shoot down a guy who acts less than masculine. I might gently encourage masculine responses. But I’m not going to love that dude any less.
We aren’t “bottom shaming”, as there is no top/bottom dynamic at all in a g0y bromance. Mutual respect and love. We do believe that anal would create a power dynamic that disrupts the mutual respect and mutual valuation g0y foundation principles. Most g0ys view those who go top or bottom as one person using the other, and that doesn’t seem like love to us. Many see sodomy as an emasculating act, and we desire to affirm masculinity, so we don’t approve of acts or actors who would emasculate or be emasculated. Sodomy also has real medical risks.
Personally, I’ve never engaged in oral sex either (or kissing a guy). Mutual masturbation, frot, and body contact? Yes. Bro cuddling, oh heck yes. There is something very, very life giving and healing from a loving brother’s arms around you. And you better have his back in the same way.
“If this group doesn’t want to be associated with the gays, are they still LGBTQ? If they are not wanting to respect all the colors of are spectrum, are they part of our family?”
I don’t think most g0y guys want to be associated with the gays. I’d say we’re not LGBTQ, and not seeking to be. G0y dudes certainly don’t want a rainbow associated with the movement, as we’re not “anything goes”, as we see potential problems with certain choices. We don’t want to invoke the power dynamics that we believe sodomy introduces. Also we don’t believe in commiting sodomy with girls (for those of us also attracted to girls).
And as a mostly g0y dude speaking to guys who identify as gay: Bro we are not your enemy. Personally I love everybody, including YOU. It’s possible to disapprove of someone’s actions yet still love them. Love is not equal to approval.
G0ys are in a very, very difficult position, that perhaps you can understand: we ARE SSA – same sex attracted. And we generally don’t feel comfortable revealing this publicly. You are well aware of the rejection that comes from various labels being hung on you by society, friends, family, coworkers, etc. We don’t want that label, so most of us are not out. And, I gotta clarify something too…
“GAY” should have 3 definitions. It can mean any one of the three, but most people in the public assume all 3, even if only one definition truly applies:
1. Same sex attracted – feeling physical, emotional, spiritual, or sexual attraction to a member of the same biological sex.
2. Same sex sexual acts, “Gay acts, or gay sex” Though there are a wide number of activities in this category, most of the public assumes a “gay” male desires and/or participates in sodomy. This assumption is widespread and persistent.
3. Culture & community: a collection of morals/values/practices associated with the term “Gay”. This could be associated with a rejection of traditional gender norms, embracing extreme “tolerance” or an “anything goes” mentality.
G0ys are characterized by definition 1 (SSA, same sex attraction), and occasionally by only parts of definition 2, but they are NEVER characterized by definition 3. This is why we dont consider ourselves gay. Also as an aside, most g0y dudes don’t ever use the term g0y publicly, as the term isn’t that well known – we only use the term g0y with other dudes who are g0y (we largely keep the fact we are g0y to ourselves), and largely the term is used primarily on the internet.
I want you to consider the isolation a g0y guy like me actually feels. We generally hide our SSA from others, yet have very real longings for intimacy with buddies (and we have no desire to date guys, more like very intimate deep friendships). We don’t embrace various aspects of what people associate with ther term gay, so we don’t get any love there. Most of us would feel uncomfortable participating in any way in the LGBTQ community, and most desire not to be a part of anything LGBTQ. We’re a group of dudes on an island, largely suffering silently. Especially as many of us no longer have platforms to communicate with other g0y dudes.
What do you all think of all this? I’ve said a lot, and can’t claim to represent the entire world of g0y dudes, but I have been honest. And I mean it that we are NOT your enemy.
Ben I really identified with this. You said what I try to express. It’s good to know there are other guys who have the same feelings and that they’re not complete freaks.
Ben you have expressed what I felt for a long time. I don’t fit into the gay culture either but I long for that intimate closeness and love with another guy.
I’d like to know when gay
I'd like to know when gay guys will stop completely revolving thier life around their sexuality myself. I don't get when one part of a person made up the whole. Get some hobbies. Listen to something besides Cher. Just be a guy who happens to like guys. There's really no need to wave rainbow flags in daisy dukes.
Isn't it already pretty much common knowledge that everyone isn't into the same kind of sex anyway and that not all gay men have anal sex? That's just another stereotype like if a guy is just a dude that likes guys and hates Madonna and doesn't have rainbows or teddy bears or leather everywhere he obviously must be in denial and a self hating homophobe. Heaven forbid a gay man be like everyone else and can actually hang out with straight guys and not feel the need to disrespect and hit on them, but I digress…
Heterosexual men obsessed
Heterosexual men obsessed with male bdybuidler is really gay.
I don’t think that’s what’s
I don't think that's what's going on here. They're trying to get people to think that's what they are ("hetero-flexible" or whatever), but the majority of these dudes likely have gay or gay-leaning sexual attractions. These are more the words of self-hating 'mos than straight men obsessed with the male form or masculinity. But yes, megalomania, an extremely narcissistic ego, and variations of gender dis-morphia often lead to individuals becoming obsessed with pleasing (often sexually or romantically pleasing) genders they have little to no sexual attraction to or looking to sexually dominate or be sexually dominated by genders they have little to no sexual attraction to. It's something that is widely talked about since most gay and gay-leaning men who are like this either stay closeted or identify as bi/fluid/queer/pan etc and straight men who are like this this usually identify as hetero and live a hetero life or identify as bi for a stretch of time in their life.
I was actually being
I was actually being sarcastic, but still mentioning a field that is the very definition of homoeroticism which glorifies and exploits the sexual attractiveness of the muscular body while the men who are obsessed with bodybuilders are desperate to state their heterosexuality. This very case is closely related to the article.
I have experience affection from heterosexual guys before. I remember one weekend I went on camping with newly met friends and in the van one of the guys talked to me, we talked and after a time he began to caress my hair. There was absolutely no sexual tension either from him or me; it was a spontaneous action from him as he already considered me his friend. You can tell when a guy being being sexual and when not.
These g0ys to me are simply men who are attracted to the same sex to some extent (bisexuality for most of them I speculate) but are afraid of losing heterosexual privilege. If masculinity and the male body turns you on and you are looking for instances to experience it from other men they you simply like men, period.
Yes, yes, every gay guy has
Yes, yes, every gay guy has the "I hooked up with hetero story". My whole point was that those types of men don't care about stuff like this. The people on that site are clearly gay/gay-leaning men who live a "gay lifestyle" but desperately wish to disassociate themselves from stereotypes and the "gay movement". They're just another iteration of "gay bros" and gay or gay-leaning men who wish to have a "straight romantic life".
Men who are simply turned on by a man's butt or a penis or a face but don't have legitimate and substantial attraction to the entirety of a man or men who are turned on by the idea of masculinity- they wouldn't associate themselves with stuff like this. They just identify as straight or bi and keep it pushing.
Most hetero and hetero
Most hetero and hetero-leaning men who indulge whatever type of sex with men couldn't care less about nonsense like this. Most men who actually have real and substantial sexual attractions to men and women and are honest about it couldn't care less about stuff like this. This type of stuff is only pushed by self-hating gay and gay-leaning men.
Gay and gay-leaning men have been promoting self-hating, separatist propaganda like this for many decades. They resent that being gay pulls them away from hetero comfort and the nucleus of main culture. If they hate the word "gay" and everything that comes with it then why not just say you're homo or homo-dominant (like myself. Although, I identify as homodominant for much different reasons)? These types of self-hating and often narcissistic and megalomaniac men have been hiding behind "bro culture" and/or aggressive masculinity and/or half-baked bisexuality forever. Instead of working to undermine homophobia and stereotypes and highlight the variations they take the easy route and just try to remove themselves from that whole struggle.
Ultimately, if your sexual attractions lie with men or if your substantial and sustainable sexual attractions and passions are with men then you're gay or gay-leaning. It's that simple. It doesn't matter how masculine you are. Doesn't matter if you're attracted to masculine or more effeminate men or both. Doesn't matter if you like sports. Whether you bottom or engage in anal. Whether you can manage to stick your penis into girls. Who you like to socially engage with. Etc. But these guys are so desperate to feel better than others, so desperate to undermine every stereotype (although they are stereotypes) and are often so full of self-hate and an incredibly convoluted ego. It is what it is.