There are few people whose lives define resilience in quite the way Gareth Thomas’ does. The Welsh rugby legend, activist, and outspoken advocate for both LGBTQ+ rights and HIV awareness has lived a life marked by extraordinary courage—and just as extraordinary ignorance. From being spat on in the street to enduring taunts on the pitch, Thomas has been forced to confront society’s ugly prejudices with a strength that speaks louder than any insult.
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In a recent appearance on the Life of Bryony podcast, Thomas shared some of the painful realities that come with being both openly gay and HIV positive. The most visceral of these stories involved an encounter with two young men who, upon spotting Thomas, called him an “AIDS spreader” and spat on him. Rather than engaging in a war of words, Thomas—who had every right to react—simply opened his arms wide. “They walked past me, one spat at my chest, one spat at my feet,” Thomas recounted. “They walked past me and waited for a reaction, and I just opened my arms. It kind of put them off because they wanted a reaction that was completely different.”
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@lifeofbryonypod In 2009, Welsh former rugby star Gareth Thomas announced that he is gay, making him the first openly gay rugby union player. Unfortunately the life didn’t get easier for him after that. Ten years later, he announced that he is HIV positive. Despite every setback, including the brutal discrimination he has faced along the way, he’s never wavered in his mission to spread the message to those struggling to never give up. Listen to all this and more on the latest episode of The Life of Bryony. Available now, wherever you get your podcasts #lifeofbryony #mentalhealth #hivawareness #highroad #discrimination
This was no moment of dramatic heroism, but rather a quiet, yet defiant act of refusal. By not giving them the reaction they were hoping for, he not only disarmed their hatred but also took back control of the situation. “I’ve been the better person in all of that because they wanted the reaction. They wanted me to say something. They wanted confirmation that I was a bad person and I refused to give [them] that.”
But let’s be clear: This wasn’t a brave, flawless day for Thomas. It wasn’t the kind of act that didn’t hurt. As he confided to podcast host Bryony Gordon, the hurt was undeniable. “I won’t sit here and be the big guy and say it doesn’t hurt,” he said, openly acknowledging that those moments of hate sting, even for someone with the stature and achievements of a rugby icon.
Since publicly revealing his HIV status in 2019, Thomas has made it his mission to tackle the pervasive stigma that surrounds both HIV and homosexuality. His own story—one of triumph, of sporting glory, and of painful vulnerability—has been chronicled in the documentary Gareth Thomas: HIV and Me, and he launched the Tackle HIV campaign to challenge misinformation and raise awareness. In doing so, he’s become a voice for those who, like him, are marginalized by ignorance.
Yet, even with all the progress we’ve made, Thomas still sees the cracks in society’s acceptance of people like him. “We’ve come a long way, but the reality is, we were in a really, really shit place and now we’re just in a really shit place,” he remarked, reflecting on the slow, often painful pace of change.
And while his career in rugby was a spectacular success—he was the first rugby union player to be capped 100 times by Wales, and he played both rugby league and union for his country—his experience as an openly gay man in a notoriously macho sport was anything but smooth. “Every time I go out on the field, I will be defined by my sexuality,” he explained. “I don’t want it to be like that. I’ve got ability, I’ve got personality—that’s what should define me.”
Despite being one of the first openly gay professional athletes in the world, Thomas faced a barrage of abuse from fans and players alike. He described the agonizing experience of enduring verbal assaults from the crowd during matches. “For some matches there were people in the crowd calling me a faggot for 90 minutes straight.”
This constant stream of hate didn’t just come from strangers. Even his partner, Stephen, has been subject to backhanded comments. “People say to him, ‘You’re so brave, you deserve a medal for marrying Gareth’—just because of my medical history,” Thomas shared, pointing to the subtle, pervasive forms of discrimination that linger beneath the surface.
But what’s perhaps most inspiring about Thomas’s story is his ability to rise above the vitriol. He acknowledges the pain, sure, but he channels it into something greater—something that can help change the narrative. “Many people are discriminated against because of their association with me,” he says, reflecting on how even those closest to him have suffered because of his HIV status. He understands the burden that comes with being a visible advocate in an often hostile world, but he carries it with a profound sense of purpose.
Through his advocacy work, Thomas has made a powerful point: Misinformation and stigma aren’t just harmful—they’re deadly. He has warned that, if left unchecked, they could lead to 400,000 preventable deaths over the next two decades. “It’s about creating environments where people feel safe and accepted from the start,” he says, calling on society to shift from reactive measures to proactive action.
@lifeofbryonypod Former Rugby star and HIV advocate Gareth Thomas came on a special live episode of Life of Bryony to talk about the path he walked, and often had to slog, to self-acceptance. Gareth reveals how little has changed in mainstream sport when it comes to accepting LGBTQ+ communities, and how he will continue to use his platform to try and change attitudes in the world of rugby and beyond! This special bonus episode is available to listen and watch now, wherever you get your podcasts. #hiv #hivawareness #gareththomas #hivpositive #lifeofbryony
Still, the fight is far from over. Thomas himself has learned to “assess the environment” when entering new spaces, always aware of how his HIV status might be received. “I’ve walked out of a bathroom before and heard someone ask a waiter if they could use another toilet—because they thought I could transmit the disease like that,” he recalled. Such instances reveal the insidious nature of stigma, where the prejudice is more subtle, but just as damaging.
Through it all, Thomas remains unwavering in his commitment to changing hearts and minds. He continues to educate, to challenge, and to confront the ignorance that so often shapes people’s reactions to those who are different. But what’s truly remarkable is his refusal to let anyone else define him. Whether it’s in the locker room, on the field, or on the streets, Gareth Thomas shows us that when life spits in your face, you don’t have to spit back. You can simply open your arms and choose love, strength, and grace.
Because at the end of the day, love will always defeat hate—and Gareth Thomas is living proof of that.