In a world where the term “lavender marriage” seems like it could be a trendy new cocktail, one gay man is shattering expectations and revealing the real story behind the concept. Meet Marty Mar, a 45-year-old director of a technology department from Phoenix, Arizona, who is in a sexless marriage with his wife, Brandi, 42. And the kicker? He’s come out to her twice but is still committed to their unconventional union.
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Marriage in the Modern Era: Not Always What You Expect
Marriage, as we know it, has definitely taken on many forms in the modern era. Gone are the days when the idea of lifelong commitment was synonymous with lifelong sexual exclusivity. While some couples dive into alternative lifestyles like swinging or hotwifing to reignite their bond, others—like Marty and Brandi—opt to stay in a sexless marriage that works for them.
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Click on the image below or this link to see a recent TikTok of theirs.
Coming Out Gay Twice: The Unique Journey of Marty and Brandi
Marty first came out to Brandi not long after meeting her at a barbecue in 2008, and they instantly hit it off. This wasn’t the stereotypical love story you might expect—Marty was openly gay, and Brandi was fully aware of it from the start. Yet, what started as a simple friendship turned into something far more complicated. Despite identifying as gay, Marty found himself developing feelings for her, which led to a marriage in 2011 and the birth of their child soon after.
Embracing the Unconventional: Brandi’s Support
But here’s where things get interesting. Rather than retreating from the relationship, Brandi doubled down. In fact, Marty recalled that she began calling him her “gay husband,” a term that might sound surprising but somehow works for them. She embraced his identity without question, and he became a permanent fixture in her family. It wasn’t the typical heteronormative marriage, but it worked for them.
Realizing His Truth During the Pandemic
Marty was still coming to terms with his own sexuality during this time. In fact, it was only after nine years of marriage, during the Covid pandemic, that he truly realized the full extent of his feelings. It was scrolling through queer TikTok that he had the “aha” moment: “I found myself attracted to her, and assumed I wasn’t gay. We had kids, marriage, but then during Covid, I was scrolling through the queer side of TikTok and realized I was still gay.”
Why Marty Won’t Divorce: Commitment Over Convenience
So, why doesn’t he get a divorce? That’s the real question here. Marty says it’s because his bond with Brandi runs deeper than just sexual attraction. It’s about commitment, understanding, and the unique way they’ve built a family together. Despite his sexual orientation and the lack of sexual intimacy in their marriage, Marty is adamant that they’re not just staying together for the sake of convenience.
Click on the image below or this link to see a another TikTok of theirs.
Love Isn’t Always What Society Says It Should Be
Marty’s story challenges the traditional notion of what a marriage “should” look like. There’s no denying the fact that he’s not your average straight-laced husband, but in a way, his approach to love and partnership is refreshing. They’ve found a way to co-exist in a marriage that may not be sexually fulfilling but is emotionally grounded.
Breaking the Mold: The Future of Relationships?
In a world full of varying relationship models, Marty and Brandi are proof that love can exist in many forms. For Marty, his lavender marriage doesn’t require romantic or sexual passion—it’s built on trust, shared history, and mutual respect. Sometimes, commitment doesn’t look like what society expects it to. But for Marty and Brandi, it’s exactly what they both need.
So, what do you think? Are we all too quick to dismiss unconventional relationships? Or is Marty’s approach the future of marriage? Let’s hear your thoughts!
Source: SWNS