Gender identity is a deeply personal and often subjective journey, and whether or not someone chooses to define it is entirely their decision. Suffice it to say, how we identify is a personal choice, and in today’s evolving societal landscape, gender identity is often seen as a spectrum rather than a rigid concept. Nico Tortorella first came out as bisexual in 2017, followed by demisexual in 2018, and later that same year, he (previously them) came out as gender-fluid. In a podcast with his now-spouse, Bethany Meyers, actor and model Tortorella shared that he isn’t particularly fond of labels. More recently, Nico had discussions with his wife about changing pronouns.
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In the Full of Shift podcast, which Nico hosts alongside wife Bethany Meyers, he recalls the moment news of his coming out as gender fluid came into the spotlight and how it was a huge deal at the time. He shared on the podcast that news of him being gender fluid was not under his control with the two agreeing, “
“It’s one thing for it to come out; it’s another for it to come out without your knowing, consent, and control. I was ready to have the conversation, you know. Still, I look back at it and feel grateful for it, honestly. The person I was at that time felt like I had to get ahead of it—if this was going to be talked about, I wanted to be the one to tell the story.”
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The language surrounding gender identity is constantly evolving, and like many, Nico Tortorella has been on a journey of self-discovery. On their podcast, Nico and Bethany opened up about how Nico’s transition from identifying as bisexual to gender fluid caused a media stir. This shift led to significant media attention, and some people took issue with the terminology Nico used, particularly “fluid” instead of “bisexual.” The couple discussed the pressure Nico felt to conform to societal labels, despite his own evolving understanding of identity. This moment marked a major turning point in Nico’s public identity and the ongoing dialogue surrounding gender expression.
“Suddenly, people were asking, “Why are you using ‘fluid’ and not ‘bisexual’?” I felt like people were upset about the language I used. When I said “fluid,” I got thousands of DMs from people telling me it wasn’t a real word and that I had to use “bisexual.” They said they’d fought so long for that word, and now I had a responsibility to the community. It was a lot of pressure. At that point, I thought, “I’m going to get ahead of this.” I was already having all these conversations in my life, hanging out with drag queens and being immersed in that scene. So I decided to start a podcast, putting these conversations out in the open with microphones and educating people publicly.”
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For the married couple, conversations about changing pronouns didn’t just happen overnight. The couple has always been open about their relationship, but being polyamorous and being in an open marriage came as a shock to outsiders. However, Nico did say that he and Bethany have always been “each other’s person,” so an outsider’s perspective shouldn’t even be relevant to the conversation. The couple are parents to two children–a daughter born in 2023 and a son born in 2024.
More recently, both Nico and Bethany have dropped they/them as pronouns and have been using he/him and she/her instead, respectively. On the podcast, Nico said:
“I use he/him pronouns at this point,” Adding, “Not to say that we’re, like, opposed to they/them pronouns… I just really don’t care about it in the same ways that I did back in the day.”
You can watch the full podcast down below:
Source: Full of Shift