A Father Is Refusing To Remove A Tattoo Of His Transgender Daughter’s Birth Name
Chances are if you’re a member of the LGBTQ community, you’ve empathized with one of our transgender brothers and sisters. Some of us are unable to understand the pain that comes with coming to terms with gender identity. While we can realize the struggle the transgender community faces, occasionally the loved ones of someone’s life may become ignored. While one essentially gains a new life, it becomes difficult to not remember the life of a transgender loved one before their transition. A new Reddit thread showcases just this situation.
According to PinkNews, an inked father is asking if he is in the wrong for not wanting to remove his transgender daughter’s birth name from his arm. The father tells that he has the names of all three of his children tattooed on him and his oldest son has recently transitioned into a transgender woman and is asking for him to remove her birth – or dead – name from his body. The man’s wife is in support of the removal. The man states his entire family supports his transgender daughter and he is making the appropriate changes to address her correctly. However, the father doesn’t want to remove the tattoo and feels his transdaughter is making a bigger deal out of this than it should be.
The Reddit thread has thousands of comments in support of both parties. Some are arguing that deadnames are detrimental to transgender people and he should remove the tattoo. On the flip side, others are claiming his transgender daughter is a hypocrite and is telling him what to do with his body.
In this situation, do you believe the father should remove the tattoo? Does removing the tattoo essentially erase the memories and love he shared with his son prior to transitioning? What would you tell him?
Writer’s Note: This is the opinion of one Instinct Magazine contributor and does not reflect the views of Instinct Magazine itself or fellow contributors.
H/T: PinkNews
It’s difficult for a parent. I’d give him space.
I have many tattoos – though, I will admit, none are names of people, and the only word is “London” that I got one my first trip out of the country. But every single tattoo holds symbolic and sentimental value for me.
I feel that if this were a case of him getting his child’s dead name AFTER she transitioned, it would be a clear “are you kidding me?” judgement against him. But he got this when she was a child, before she came into her truth and embraced it. When it was a symbolic statement of pride and love to get his child’s name tattooed on him; something that would always be there, to remind him of that love – something that would remain in permanence upon him as a testament to that love. (granted, I’m drawing conclusions based on my own experiences and speaking to others about their tattoos – but I’d happily argue this type of sentiment for the man.)
So, in essence his daughter is now asking him to change this lifelong symbol that is literally etched into his skin as a result of her transition – and we are now in a world where there is absolutely no clear cut answer. Does he forsake the commitment he made when he got the tattoo to have this representation of his child permanently etched upon his body, a symbol of his love and commitment as a father? Or does he acquiesce to his child and go through a painful process to have the tattoo removed and/or replaced in honor of her transition?
Honestly without knowing more about the people and the emotions at play all you’re doing by asking people for their opinions is driving dramatic discourse. No transition for an individual is the same, no family’s reaction is the same, and no interpersonal relationship between a father and a child both before and after transition is the same. We don’t have enough knowledge or insight for this particular discussion.