Would Jealousy Get The Best Of You If Your Partner Is More Attractive Than You?
As we all may be panicking during the Coronavirus Pandemic, we can at least look forward to life eventually returning back to normal. While some of us may be working from home to occupy time, I’m sure we have a little bit of flexibility in our calendars we’re now able to explore hobbies we’ve gotten too busy for or have a chance for some self discovery. When you aren’t busy finding a new series to stream or potentially tagged on social media to participate in a workout challenge (the horror!), chances are you’re catching up with family and friends. However, what if you were connecting with someone before the pandemic who absolutely had you smitten, but you didn’t want to speak to them anymore. Why? Because they are way out of your league.
Hear me out: Before the crisis began, I’d had a series of dates and “Netflix and Chill” arrangements with someone who I normally wouldn’t even reach out too. Humbly on a dating app, one of the Instagram popular-for-being-nothing-but-attractive studs connected with me and we decided to meet up. Surprisingly after having a cocktail – and even a West Hollywood Gym Bunny hitting on him (abrasively in front of me) at a bar – he continued to pursue conversations as we found to have a lot in common. Although I’d like to believe I’m not conventionally unattractive, this Wilmer Valderrama-lookalike is an absolute neckbreaker and gets over ten thousand likes for a simple photograph of him being literally cheeky. It’s tough to imagine you’ll have to compete with someone vying for his attention when you’re not on the Instagram-famous level. Despite running away to the opposite side of the country during COVID-19, this guy is still in close contact and we’ve FaceTimed and are keeping each other laughing. However, his obscene level of sexiness is making my self-esteem weary. I’ve certainly dated other men who I believe I was more attractive than, but I don’t think the shoe has been on the other foot. Am I crazy for thinking this way? After discussing my dilemma with friends, I relied on the deep dark internet of Reddit for some answers.
According to Reddit, someone was in the very same predicament I currently find myself in. The person, who in this case identifies as a female, comes clean that she doesn’t have a struggle with insecurities but her current boyfriend is lightyears more attractive than her and she knows it. She’s finding it hard to get over her feelings of him being more attractive and isn’t sure if her jealousy and insecurities should get in the way and is considering breaking up with him. She’s shared her feelings with him, and he denounces them. Commenters were more than accommodating and united behind her. Some bits include the following:
“I can tell you that the last time I had this ‘out of my league’ feeling, I finally talked about it with the guy I was dating. He started laughing and said he had literally felt the same way since the moment we met. Attractiveness is subjective. These are YOUR thoughts. You might want to check in with him what his are. And you know – take him at his word.”
“Beauty and looks are truly in the eye of the beholder. I was with a woman who believed she was not good looking enough for me because she saw pictures and knew some of my exgf’s. Whenever we went out she became insecure because of how women looked at me. I get it, she was not conventionally attractive, but damn she really did it for me. I fell in love with ALL of her, including her “unattractive” traits. Even to this day I miss certain things and sometimes desire women with similar bodies. My suggestion to you is be confident in yourself and your relationship, fake it till you make it, and work on those things that you are not satisfied with. This guy chose you for now, do not live in the past and do not worry about the future.”
For now, I’ve gotten the virtual therapy I needed to proceed forward. What else do we have to lose at this point anyway besides a chance with someone new? Everyone needs a friend for the end of the world. Have you ever doubted yourself as you were pursuing someone who may be attractive than you?
Writer’s Note: This is the opinion of one Instinct Magazine contributor and does not reflect the views of Instinct Magazine itself or fellow contributors.
H/T: Reddit
I’m 59 1/2 y/o (Okay…pushing 60 y/o with a vengence)…not a bad looking guy being on this planet for almost 6 decades and I turned a few heads in my 40 years of being “out”, esp in my 20s and 30s….but, time marches on. And as they say, looks fade. But, I am thankful for good genes.
About a year and a half ago, I was “hit on” by a 21 y/o hot af guy (in my opinion) and actually turned his advances down 4 or 5 times. At one point, when he was asking why I kept saying “no”, I texted him that he was “out of my league”. HE actually took that too mean that HE was the one that was on a lower rung of the ladder and his feelings were hurt. After that conversation, we met. And we are still dating. He’s 23 now. Responsible guy, works hard, pays his bills, makes sure that he’s paying for 1/2 of everything that we do: vacations, dinners, theater, whatever…..although I make good $$ and have never asked him for anything, esp when it is my idea and I plan it. I still feel like he is out of my league….but not because of physical appearance, but because of the big, caring, loving, compassionate heart and personality this guy has. I am in awe of him every…..single……day. (And he turns me the eff on like no one has done in 40 years!!) And the fact that he loves me is mind boggling!
The first guy I ever fell in love with was the only guy I’ve dated that I knew was just as attractive if not moreso than I was. I never minded bc I loved knowing everyone even women wanted him. He always made it clear that when everyone was looking at him…he was looking at me and only me. I think it all depends on the person and how insecure they are plus how secure they are in their relationship.