There's the aspect of wanting to believe your partner for reasons that are plausible, and then there are ones that are just downright hilarious and pathetic. This is one of them.
A young woman isn't sure what's really going on in her relationship, so she seeks advice from columnist Deidre Sanders.
Here's the girls issue:
I am a woman of 26 and he’s 34. We have been together for six months. He has a drink problem and sex has been rubbish for a while.
One day I came home early from work. He was furious and went to bed drunk.
Something made me look at his phone and I found the Grindr app. I confronted him and he said he had just been looking for weed to help him quit the booze.
He admitted he had experimented with guys in the past. I know he’s had several hundred women but only a handful of guys.
My head is telling me to leave but my heart says stay.
Deidre responds:
Listen to your head. If you take off your rose-tinted glasses, you will see far more reasons to be unhappy than happy in this relationship.
Your heart wants to believe he is what you saw in him at the start. But just a few months down the line the reality is you are with a man with drink issues and who knows what else.
He is someone you can’t really believe or trust.
Should the gullible lady stay with him? Or should she do the ever so smart thing and get out as quickly as possible?
And we should care about this
And we should care about this, because…?
He could be gay-4-pay or gay
He could be gay-4-pay or gay-4-drugs. He could be hetero-dominant. Could be homo-dominant. Could be a self-hating and in denial gay/homo-dominant man who uses drugs/alcohol/sex with tons of women and a straight life to shield himself and his ego. Could be a man of whatever orientation who gets off on random sexual experiences, "feeling different things" and manipulating people. That's why you have to really delve into who someone is to figure out who they truly are and what motivates their behavior and their overall instincts.
At the very least he's a deceptive guy with a drinking problem who says he's slept with 100's of people. Who thinks they can have a serious relationship with that?