Women Who Date Bisexual Men Speak Out!
In our progressing society, there is a sense of community for anyone who identifies a part of the LGBTQ spectrum. Recently, I’ve been seeing loads of celebrities, activists, and even my own Facebook friends coming out as bisexual. In a world where genders are bent, sexuality is fluid, and anyone can get married; I say, the more the merrier!
As a gay man, I won’t lie at some point in my life, it was a huge turn on to be able to toy with a straight boy for a casual hook up. Frankly, to this day, I tend to be more alluring to heterosexual men as a one-time sex object than I am within the gay community. I’d be considered a Twink (although the oldest), who is hairless, feminine, and with womanly hips and rear. As I’ve matured, the temptation of hooking up with heterosexual men isn’t at the top of my list. I find it a waste of time.
Through dating, social media, and dating websites, I’ve encountered tons of bisexual men. On a date at Universal Studios years ago, my would-be knight in shining armor revealed to me that he indeed swinged both ways, including dating transgender women. He was masculine, suave…he was hot as hell. We proceeded to go on multiple dates and was the first man in Los Angeles that I believed listened to me. He swept me off my feet and was is still memorable to me. His desire for women, however, was something I couldn’t bare to explore with him. I still referenced Carrie Bradshaw dating a bisexual man in Sex And The City whenever I refer to him.
My brief fling and friendship with this man began to make me think about the women who he was dating. Were they the ones being open minded to his sexuality? Was I being selfish?
During research, I discovered Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli, Author of the novel Women In Relationships With Bisexual Men, discussed her research of women who dated bisexual men with Broadly. Maria states:
“A really beautiful finding from a lot of the women interviewed, which has shocked a few people, is that a lot of bisexual men—if you dealt with issues around openness and negotiation—made better fathers, lovers, and partners than hetero men. Because the men in the study felt they were outside of "normal," they were more likely to challenge traditional ideas. They were also more likely to want to equally share parenting, so they often made hands-on fathers and much more sensitive domestic partners. Some women said things like, "After being with a bisexual man, I would never go back to being with a heterosexual man in a relationship," because they found these men far more interesting and open to exploring.”
Pallotta-Chiarolli’s research dived into women with gay friends, who dated bisexual men.
“This was especially the case for younger women in urban inner cities who were hanging out in queer communities. They went from being "gay men's best friends" and hanging out with them, but as soon as some of these women fell in love with a bisexual man, or a man who thought he was gay then fell in love with her—suddenly they were kind of ostracized. The reaction was, "Oh, you've taken one of our gay men," or they'd say things like, "Oh, beware, here she comes, she's gonna steal our boyfriends." Or they'd turn up to the same gay club with their male partners and be turned away, or stared at. Women felt this was very misogynistic.”
She offers dating advice to women in the future, as she assumes sexuality is ever changing.
“Don't assume a potential male partner is heterosexual just because he's flirting or hooking up with you. Assume nothing, and ask about their sexuality point blank—the women from the study who had the most problems in their relationships with bisexual men had initially assumed they were entering a relationship with a straight man, only to find out the truth later.”
Have you ever had a relationship with a bisexual man? I’d love to hear your story!
Check out Broadly’s full interview with Pallotta-Chiarolli here!