As sure as the day is long, there is one thing we can always rely on, and that is straight men are obsessed with gay sex. Whether they are mocking it, or secretly dreaming of it, every time I turn around, another whack job preacher or “conservative” is declaring things like God sent an earthquake to destroy Haiti, a hurricane to wipe out Lousianna and a virus to Wuhan, China to punish the gays. Who knew God would be so bad at geo-tracking.
Nonetheless, the obsession with gays prevails and the latest example popped up on Twitter (again) this week. It all started with a bizarre tweet posted last year by rabid MAGA cultist Brendan Dilley, in which he accused Pennsylvania state legislator Brian Sims of lying about being gay. With no basis in fact, Dilley claims Sims is actually straight and to prove otherwise he demanded that Sims “suck a dick” to show the world he’s gay.
“This dude’s not fucking gay. Sims doesn’t like the dick. The rumor in Pennsylvania is that Sims pretends to be gay because it provides coverage for his behavior. Because he knows that anybody who goes against him can be accused of being called a bigot. The rumor in the political circles in PA is this motherfucker is straight.”
When the story first hit, all the gay blogs ran with it. We got our KiKi’s and moved on. It seemed silly at the time but also quite disrespectful to Sims, who has established himself as one of the great politicians of his generation. Sims would obviously not want his name invoked for something so juvenile and crass it would seem. With that said, I am perplexed then as to why yesterday, on May 11th, Sims posted the Tweet again on his official Facebook page.
Is he intentionally stirring the pot?
EVERYONE: “What’s it like being a gay elected official?”ME: *Slowly draws a breath*
Before I go on, let me make one thing clear, should Sims decide to take Dilley up on this dare to suck a d–k, – I volunteer as Tribute!
That probably won’t happen, but in my mind, it’s going down!
Seriously though, Sims is an out and proud gay man. He’s a proven role model of the LGBTQ community, so it is ludicrous for someone to accuse him of being deceptive about his sexuality. Many of Sim’s social media followers will recall him sharing stories over the years of his dates with potential suitors, frequent trips to gay vacation meccas like PTown, and even his openness about the decision to go on PreP as a sexually active, single man.
Something tells me, it’s not Sims’ sexuality that is really in question here. I don’t know about you, but every real straight man that I know has no interest in pondering men putting their mouths on another man’s penis or any similar activities for that matter.
I surmise, the only true explanation for Dilley’s Tweet is that he secretly (or maybe not so secretly) wants to see Sims do some gay stuff. I can’t say I blame him. Sims is, after all, a big and sexy, green-eyed, ex-football playin’, bearded lumberjack of a man. It seems possible that Dilly is just as enamored with Sims as the rest of us, and is covertly expressing what HE wants to see – or do – with Sims.
Now look, I hate to stereotype, and usually never subscribe to such tropes, but I’ll break my own rule here and say Dilley really does seem kinda “How you doin.” He looks like a big ol’ queen with gay Disney eyes doing a weak, unconvincing impersonation of a “bro.”
So, rather than dragging Sims into his sexual confusion, I would suggest he download Grindr or Scruff, and create another closet-case headless-torso profile, as did his many fellow Republicans caught on the DL looking for some eggplant and peaches.
This piece is an opinion piece by one Contributing Writer for Instinct Magazine and may not reflect the opinion of the magazine or other Contributing Writers.