DDF – U B 2. Is that insulting? Discriminatory?
I went back home to Maine for a nice two long respite in the great white north. To pass the time, this single guy jumped “on the grid,” what my friends call it when we sign on to the hook-up sites to see what’s around. Maine is pretty remote. When I’m at my parents in the center of the state, I see Canadians on most apps and when I’m in Ogunquit, I’ll get Bostonian abs and buns, oh, and some faces, too. When in Wilton Manors, most of my apps max out while still in Fort Lauderdale. So it is quite a different grid up there.
I lived in Maine for 40 years and in Portland for 14. Maine is a small state with Portland, it’s largest city having a population of 60,000. Living there, I’ve made friends, acquaintances, enemies, couple of exes, and some sporadic fun buddies, and one special bi guy that I enjoyed knowing for well over half a decade. Some things we miss more than others.
So while “on the grid,” I received a message from one of my past hook ups. All it said was “DDF?” If you don’t know what that means, and some have not, it stands for drug and disease free. I had hooked up with this man about 5 times or so. I knew he was Positive and we had never done anything that led to a top/bottom situation. DDF. I had placed that in most of my profiles followed with “you be too” or “U B 2.” Now with his message, simply repeating what I had in my profile, I felt some shame. But should I? I had been there before, done things with him, but now that he had seen that in my preferences, it wasn’t going to happen again.
Is my DDF statement worse than, no fats, no Asians, no fems, no blacks that others place on their profiles? Is it the same type of preference or would you call it discrimination? I had met a Saudi Arabian the other night and he had asked what kind of guys I like. He narrowed it down in his own head to me liking black men and not Asians. I had told him that I didn’t have a preference to ethnicity, but it all depended on how the genes stack up. We are all attracted to what we like. But I didn’t bring up the drug and disease free preference.
DDF. There was no other message from my Portland man and I felt bad, but it was my doing. I enjoyed our times we had together and would have liked another. What if I had “no Asians” on my profile and “place name of Asian fun buddy here” had seen that? How would I have felt then? I had made the exception before with DDF when I met the now upset man so why is it now part of my profile as a pretty prominent preference?
Drug AND disease free. It is a drug free preference as well, not just disease and not just against one disease. I’ve said no to more parTiers than for the other reason.
What is your take on the DDF preferences some of us have?
Is it acceptable?
Is it like an ethnic preference? Age preference? Position preference?