Frankie Grande has a question for the queer community: why does embracing femininity still make some people so uncomfortable? The singer, performer, and author is opening up about years of criticism he says came not from strangers, but from other gay men—a reality that finally clicked while writing his memoir, Supergay.
Instead of chalking it up to internet trolls or random negativity, Grande says the writing process helped him identify what he believes was behind much of the backlash: femmephobia. Those reflections became some of the memoir’s most personal chapters, turning years of confusion into something he could finally put into words.
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Frankie Grande says the criticism finally had a name
Speaking backstage at Titanique on Broadway, Grande shared the realization that reshaped how he viewed years of judgment.
“I didn’t understand why I got so much hate from gay men, and it’s actually femmephobia,” he said, as per Gayety. “I didn’t understand that.”
That discovery prompted him to ask himself a difficult question—one that may sound familiar to plenty of LGBTQ+ people.
“What is it about me that is so scary to members within our own community?” he asked.
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For a community built on authenticity, it’s a question worth sitting with. Sometimes the loudest side-eyes don’t come from outside the rainbow.
Frankie Grande was never interested in playing it masculine
Grande said he has never felt the need to dial down his femininity to make other people more comfortable.
“I choose to present myself as female oftentimes, very often, not as a drag queen, but because I love makeup and I love heels and I love glitter and I love tight revealing outfits,” he said. “These things are shocking and defy even queer gender norms.”
His pop-star inspirations were equally clear from the beginning.
“When I became a pop star, my very first thing I wanted to do was be Britney Spears. I wanted to be Madonna,” he said. “I didn’t want to be a male character.”
Honestly? That’s a confession many queer kids probably understand better than they’ll ever admit. Before we knew who we were, some of us already knew exactly who we wanted to perform like.
Frankie Grande says misogyny is part of the equation
Writing Supergay also led Grande to another realization: the backlash he has experienced isn’t just about being gay.
“It’s because I’m a man who chooses to present female. And why would you do that? Because women are deemed lesser,” he said. “I am a victim of misogyny as a fem-presenting man, which is crazy to me… The way that I’m hated is more in line with the way women are hated than the way gay men are hated.”
Grande believes the criticism he receives is deeply tied to how society views femininity itself, adding another layer to conversations about bias that can still exist within LGBTQ+ spaces.
And that leaves us with a question: When you finally embraced your femininity—whether that meant makeup, crop tops, painted nails, heels, or simply letting yourself exist without apologizing—did you lose friends? Or did you just discover who was never really cheering for the real you to begin with?