In 2026, it’s jarring—almost surreal—that a gay couple sleeping in the same bed can still be framed as a “problem,” especially within a family that has known and loved them for decades. And yet, a recent Dear Abby letter published by The Bryan Times, a community-focused newspaper serving Williams County since 1949, reminds us that progress is not always linear.
The letter, titled “Son-in-law won’t allow gay couple to stay overnight,” isn’t about strangers or abstract beliefs. It’s about family. Grandparents. Children. Love that has existed openly for decades—and still isn’t fully accepted behind closed doors.
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When “The Children” Become a Convenient Shield
The writer, one-half of a married gay couple, explain that their son-in-law refuses to allow them to stay overnight in his home because he doesn’t want to explain to his two daughters, ages 6 and 8, why the men sleep in the same bed. The implication is clear: their gay relationship is something inappropriate, confusing, or harmful for children to witness.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth many LGBTQ+ people recognize immediately—this was never about the kids.
Children at that age accept explanations with remarkable ease. “They love each other.” “They’re married.” “They’re family.” That’s usually enough. The confusion, if any exists, tends to belong to adults who haven’t done the work of confronting their own discomfort with gay relationships.
Using children as a shield for homophobia doesn’t protect them. It teaches them—quietly but powerfully—that certain kinds of love should be hidden.
Seattle dads throw their own Gay Pride parade with their kids. pic.twitter.com/2Kexh9u8mN
— USA TODAY (@USATODAY) June 15, 2020
The Emotional Cost of Conditional Acceptance
What makes this situation especially painful is its subtlety. There’s no slur. No shouting. No outright rejection. Just a boundary that says: you are welcome here, but not fully.
For many gay people, this kind of conditional acceptance cuts deeper than open hostility. Being told, implicitly, that your relationship must be edited for family comfort sends a clear message: you are tolerated, not embraced.
The couple’s response—to skip the visit altogether—comes from a place many LGBTQ+ readers will recognize. Sometimes distance feels safer than enduring another reminder that your presence is considered disruptive simply by existing.
Dear Abby’s Response—and the Bigger Picture
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In her reply, Abby urges compassion and pragmatism. She points out that punishing the daughter and grandchildren—who offered alternatives like a hotel stay or visiting themselves—only deepens the fracture. Her advice is rooted in maintaining connection, suggesting that strong relationships with the grandchildren could ultimately challenge the son-in-law’s narrow views.
It’s reasonable advice. It’s also incomplete.
What often goes unsaid in these situations is the emotional labor being asked of gay people—to be patient, understanding, and endlessly forgiving while their dignity is negotiated. Maintaining family ties shouldn’t require LGBTQ+ people to absorb discomfort quietly for the sake of harmony.
Why Are We Still Making This Complicated?
The larger question lingers: why enter into a marriage knowing your spouse has two gay dads if you’re unwilling to accept them fully?
This isn’t an unexpected revelation. The son-in-law knew exactly who his wife’s parents were. The relationship didn’t change. Society did—or at least pretended to.
In 2026, we’ve had decades of visibility, legal marriage equality, and representation. And yet, the idea of explaining a gay couple to children is still treated as a daunting task rather than a simple conversation.
The irony is that by refusing to normalize gay relationships, adults create the very tension they claim to want to avoid.
Choosing Connection Without Self-Erasure
There’s no single right answer for this couple. Some LGBTQ+ people choose to stay engaged, believing presence can soften prejudice over time. Others choose distance, prioritizing emotional safety. Both choices are valid.
What matters is acknowledging that the harm here is real—and that it doesn’t disappear just because alternatives like hotels exist. Equality isn’t about logistics. It’s about being seen as no different from any other married couple.
Moving Forward With Honesty
If there’s hope in this story, it lies with the grandchildren. Kids raised with honesty, clarity, and love tend to grow into adults who don’t fear difference. Whether through visits, conversations, or simply living openly, gay families continue to teach by example—even when it’s exhausting.
The real tragedy isn’t that children might ask questions. It’s that some adults are still afraid of the answers.
And that, in 2026, is the part that should make us all uncomfortable.
REFERENCE: The Bryan Times
30+ years ago, my ex and I were planning a visit to friends in California. I called my stepbrother to see if he’d be around when we were there and he told me that having us stay with them was against his religion. I didn’t realize he was such a bigot. Haven’t seen or heard from him since. My wicked stepmother died several years ago and I haven’t heard from the rest of that family either. Thank god, that charade is over with.
I say, dump the guy and his family. You don’t need that sort of negative crap in your life!