Glory hole etiquette isn’t exactly a topic most people expect to hear dissected on a podcast, but a Reddit post from a college student recently found a second life on the Savage Lovecast after the anonymous user posed a question that sounds ridiculous until you realize… someone had to ask it. The dilemma? What’s the proper etiquette for turning someone down at a glory hole when the mystery guest isn’t exactly what you were hoping for? As it turns out, glory hole etiquette is a conversation people actually have.
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The Glory Hole Dilemma
The original Reddit post came from a student who said the glory hole cruising spot near his university had become increasingly popular with people outside the campus crowd, leaving him unsure how to politely decline an encounter without making an already awkward situation even more awkward.
@fakedansavage Emily Post seems to have left this etiquette question unanswered, so we did the honors. New Lovecast episode out now at Savage.Love/Lovecast!
“At my university there is a glory hole, but older people slash non-students tend to cruise there too, which I do not like because this is a hole specifically for students and young people. I would rather not suck an older man when I notice that he is one. Another example would be when the dick is not appealing enough or when it stinks, how do I decline it? Do I just walk out or do I wait until he’s gone?”
It’s the kind of question that could only spark a surprisingly serious debate. When it comes to glory hole encounters, though, practical advice isn’t exactly easy to come by.
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Dan Savage’s response—shared on the podcast—cut straight through the fantasy with a reminder that anonymous glory hole encounters don’t exactly come with customer service policies, employee handbooks, or a complaints department.
“My answer, dude, it’s a glory hole. There are no rules. There are literally dicks coming at you through holes in the wall. Glory holes exist because some rules are made to be broken. Rules like don’t suck off strangers, don’t have sex in public places where you might get caught, and don’t shove your cock through a hole in the wall because you don’t know who is on the other side.”
It’s classic Savage: blunt, funny, and impossible to mistake for etiquette advice from Miss Manners.
Fantasy Meets Reality
But beneath the laugh-out-loud delivery was a point that resonated with plenty of listeners. Anonymous glory hole hookups, by definition, trade certainty for spontaneity. You don’t get filters, profile photos, age verification, or a chance to swipe left once you’ve arrived.
Savage also steered the conversation toward something far less controversial than anonymous cruising: basic hygiene.
“Now, I think men who want their dicks sucked should wash their dicks before asking a stranger or a loved one to suck their dicks. But it is impossible to enforce social norms around personal hygiene in a place where, again, norms and rules like you are there to be violated.”
And with that, he delivered the line that many listeners felt summed up the entire discussion.
“If you only want to suck cocks of guys close to your own age and guys with the decency to wash their dicks and guys with nice dicks, maybe glory holes aren’t for you either.”
The exchange quickly became less about one student’s predicament and more about the eternal tug-of-war between fantasy and reality. Anonymous glory hole cruising has always carried an element of unpredictability—that’s part of the appeal for some and the ultimate dealbreaker for others.
For many gay listeners, the conversation wasn’t shocking so much as hilariously honest. Somewhere between the jokes and the jaw-dropping premise was a surprisingly universal reminder: everyone has the right to change their mind, say no, and walk away, even in situations that don’t exactly come with a rulebook—even at a glory hole.
Our take? You never owe anyone an explanation for saying no, anonymous encounter or otherwise. If something doesn’t feel right, simply walk away. But we’re curious: is there such a thing as glory hole etiquette, or is “no rules” the only rule? Let us know where you stand.