Apparently, Jesus isn’t soft, passive, or particularly interested in being described as “tolerant.” At least, that’s according to conservative Christian influencer Gabe Poirot, who says he encountered Jesus during an 18-day coma after an electric skateboarding incident.
And, well, this particular version of Jesus sounds less like Sunday school and more like someone who could absolutely deadlift you.
So, what does Jesus look like?
Appearing on Fox News’ Saturday in America with host Kayleigh McEnany, Poirot spoke about his experience during the coma and what he says he experienced in Heaven.
While discussing what he called the “love of Christ,” Poirot emphasized that the Jesus he encountered was very much a man. He said he appreciated that other testimonies did not describe meeting a female Jesus, and he rejected the idea of Jesus being “soft” or “passive.”
“Jesus is a man,” Poirot said, before describing an altogether more intense version of the religious figure.
According to Poirot, Jesus has been misrepresented in America, particularly when portrayed as a “tolerant guy.” The Jesus he says he encountered was something else entirely: a lion, angry on his behalf, and a “mustang” fighting for him.
Honestly, the description keeps getting more dramatic.
God is so good.🙌❤️ | Gabe Poirot https://t.co/RTWucc7D3i
— Talk Church (@churchtalkative) July 18, 2025
When asked what his Saviour looked like, Poirot described him as “pure fire.” He estimated the son of God to be somewhere between 5’11” and 6 feet tall, describing him as being “as tall as eternity.”
So, for the record, if you’re somewhere around six feet tall, congratulations. You may now have a new biblical qualification to add to your Grindr profile.
READ: Are We Eating More Cheez-Its Just to Piss the Conservative Christians Off?
Burning eyes and maximum testosterone
Poirot went on to describe the son of God as having eyes that appeared both “burning white” and red. Then came perhaps the most unexpected part of the entire testimony.
“Talk about testosterone,” he said, comparing Jesus once again to a mustang.
Fox interviews a guy who claims he went to heaven for 18 days. He can report that Jesus is not only male but about 5’11 or 6 feet tall and really masculine. “Talk about testosterone. Like a mustang.” It’s over for the Talarico campaign. https://t.co/V9fROxm0pi
— Richard Hanania (@RichardHanania) October 4, 2026
The clip has since gone viral, reportedly reaching 3.7 million views, with viewers having plenty to say about Poirot’s very muscular interpretation of the Son of God.
And, naturally, the gay internet has entered the chat.
The internet has entered the chat
The reactions ranged from disbelief to full-on thirst-by-association.
One commenter joked, “Translation: while I was in a coma I dreamt about a buff, muscly man.”
Another summarized the story as, “So he was dreaming about really muscular men and thought he was in heaven. Got it.”
Someone else simply declared, “This is the gayest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
Others compared the imagery to homoerotic fantasies, while another commenter bluntly suggested the experience sounded like a wet dream.
Of course, jokes about the imagery aren’t the same thing as proving what happened during Poirot’s coma. His description is his account of the experience, and viewers are free to interpret it differently.
Still, if the son of God really did appear to Poirot exactly as described, one thing seems certain: this was not the soft-focus, stained-glass-window Jesus some of us grew up imagining.
This Jesus apparently showed up at nearly six feet tall, glowing with fire, radiating testosterone, and giving full Mustang energy.
Holy thirst trap?