Never one to miss an opportunity to grab the media spotlight, Congressional Republicans are calling for a formal investigation into Britney Spears’ father’s conservatorship over her affairs. As reported in Pink News on March 10th, Republican Matt Gaetz (R-Florida) sent a letter earlier in the week to House leadership asking for a formal investigation into Jamie Spears’ influence and control over his pop-star daughter since 2008. Citing the information detailed in the recent New York Times produced “Framing Britney Spears”” documentary, Gaetz is one of former President Trump’s fiercest defenders (and frequent critic of not only the New York Times but mainstream media in general).
Faster than Chris Crocker can tearfully plead for all of us to “Leave Britney Alone,” here are six other things Congress could investigate.
1. What’s Going On With Mitch McConnell’s Hands?
Last October Senator Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky) appeared in public with severely discolored hands. While we can agree to disagree whether McConnell is a zombie who is dead on the inside, or just accident-prone with his geriatric hands, don’t we, the taxpayers, deserve to know?
— Annie Shields (@anastasiakeeley) October 21, 2020
2. What are the causes of the persistent wealth gap between African-Americans and whites?
This week Senate Republican Miss Lindsay Graham (R-Grindr) questioned why African-American farmers should get financial aid in the $1.9 trillion COVID package. The persistent wealth gap of African-Americans who suffered under more than 300 years of slavery, followed by 80 years of racist Jim Crow laws, followed by discrimination in housing, education and employment does not merit closer inspection, however.
3. Speaking of Senator Graham…
Aren’t you curious as to why someone who was such a vocal critic of candidate Donald Trump in 2015-2016, going so far as to claim he wouldn’t vote for Trump if he were the Republican candidate, could make such a complete turnabout? Shouldn’t there be some sort of formal investigation into Trump’s apparent conservatorship of Graham’s dignity?
4. Why are Sign-language translators stealing the stage?
It might have begun almost five years ago when the Internet erupted over Snoop Dog’s Sign-language translator going viral, but since then whenever there is a national tragedy requiring a public figure to address the media, our eyes are more focused on the increasingly dramatic theatrics of the Sign-language translators. Things came to a head last year when, during the press conference following the apparent right-wing militia attempt to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, the governor’s translator stole the show. What in the world is going on?
5. Why was season 11 of RuPaul’s Drag Race so awful?
In retrospect, it should have been clear with the recurrent resurrection of Miss Vanjie that the fates, or God, or RuPaul was planning something awful for all of humanity in 2020. We should have picked up on the clues when we had the chance in 2019.
6. Speaking of Britney, what’s the real story with her thirst-trap of a boyfriend, Sam Aghari?
I mean put him in front of a House committee with a Sign-language translator, and you’ve got some serious ratings gold.