Wedding registries are usually a parade of practical purchases: toasters, towels, cookware, and, yes, the occasional blender. They’re designed to help couples build a home together—not spark a debate about bedroom accessories. Yet one question submitted to Slate’s long-running sex advice column How to Do It has managed to do exactly that, proving there’s apparently no limit to the creative ways people can overthink wedding etiquette.
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The dilemma came from a reader signing off as “What’s Wrong With a Blender?,” who wrote:
“Two gay friends are getting married in a month, and my wife thinks it would be a fun idea to get them a pair of matching cock rings as a gift. I think this is in poor taste; she says I need to lighten up. Who’s right?”
It’s the sort of question that feels almost impossible to answer with a simple yes or no. Plenty of gay couples have the kind of friendships where an outrageous wedding gift would earn a standing ovation. Others would politely smile while wondering why someone thought their wedding was the perfect occasion to shop in the adult section. The difference isn’t that they’re gay—it’s whether the gift actually matches their personalities.
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Friendship matters more than shock value
Slate doesn’t reject the idea outright. Instead, it argues that the answer depends entirely on the relationship you have with the couple and the kind of humor they’ve already shown they’re comfortable with.
“There are definitely gay guys who would appreciate a gift like this, and whose general demeanor implies that. Are your friends the type? Do they tend to be overtly sexual, perhaps casually discussing experiences, mentioning the use of sex toys, flirting as a matter of course, or routinely lacing their humor with innuendo/dirty references? If so, cock rings might be a good gift.”
That’s a useful reminder that the best inside jokes only work when everyone is actually in on them. A wedding gift isn’t just about getting a laugh; it’s about showing that you know the couple well enough to pick something they’ll genuinely appreciate.
Wedding etiquette is about knowing your audience
The advice also acknowledges that buying sex toys for someone else is a gamble, even if you’re convinced they’ll find it hilarious.
“Keep in mind that it’s really hard to buy sex toys for other people, especially if you aren’t actually having sex with them, but they’d surely never forget such a present. It’s a much better way of leaving a mark than, say, buying them a salad spinner. They might not actually like or even use them, and even if they’re the sex-forward type they might still think you’re weird for buying such a gift. But at minimum you’d be giving them a story. And sometimes that’s the greatest gift of all.”
The salad spinner comparison might be the funniest part of the entire exchange. Let’s face it: years from now, most couples won’t remember who bought the serving platter. They will, however, remember the guest who boldly wrapped matching cock rings and committed to the bit. Whether that’s remembered fondly or filed under “What were they thinking?” depends entirely on the crowd.
Being gay isn’t a personality trait
The conversation takes a more thoughtful turn when it addresses why someone might choose this particular gift in the first place.
“However, if your wife has the impulse of getting them cock rings simply because they’re gay, and they’ve never given any indication that they might enjoy this gift (or even sex itself), she should rethink this. If you wouldn’t give a straight couple who conducted themselves similarly such a gift, don’t give it to a gay couple.”
That’s arguably the biggest takeaway. Being comfortable around LGBTQ people doesn’t mean assuming every joke about gay sex will land. A gift should reflect the people receiving it—not stereotypes about their identity.
The advice closes with one final observation that neatly dismantles those assumptions.
“You’re just needlessly stereotyping them. For all you know, neither of them actually use their dicks during sex.”
It’s a funny line, but it also highlights something many people outside the community overlook: there isn’t a universal “gay experience.” Relationships, intimacy, and humor vary just as much among gay couples as they do among straight ones.
So… blender or cock rings?
In the end, this isn’t really a debate about sex toys. It’s about reading the room. The most unforgettable wedding gifts aren’t memorable because they’re outrageous—they’re memorable because they suit the couple receiving them.
Maybe the safest option is still the blender. Maybe your friends would laugh themselves silly after opening a velvet pouch containing matching accessories. If you know them well enough, either gift could be the right one.
Now I’m curious: would you ever give a gay couple matching cock rings as a wedding present, or would you stick to something a little less… conversation-starting? Let me know where you draw the line between an unforgettable joke and an unforgettable faux pas.